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The Box

Submitted by Depressed 1 on Wed, 2022-07-20 02:05

The box is getting smaller, the walls are closing in

They are getting closer than they have ever been

I will be discovered and then what will I do

It is way to late now for me to start anew

Their eyes are getting open they now can see

All of the cracks that I thought I hid so cleverly

I am getting more dumb or they are getting smart

They are starting to see right through my broken heart

Life is not fair and I know it was never meant to be

Life is just an atrocity of day after day monstrosities

They will take all I have, they will take my last dollar

They will just laugh at me as the box gets smaller

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Last few words: 
These are a few words that came to me last night.
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week July 17th through July 23 2022
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Wed, 2022-07-20 04:25

Candlewitch's picture
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I like your poem of fear and apprehension. these are my favorite lines, be cause I often feel this way:

they are starting to see right through my broken heart
Life is not fair and I know it was never meant to be
Life is just an atrocity of day after day monstrosities

*Hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Depressed 1

Thu, 2022-07-21 02:01

Depressed 1's picture

These are just feelings I have come to me more and more recently.

https://www.artofelpaso.com/

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Rosewood Apothecary

Wed, 2022-07-20 06:25

Rosewood Apothecary's picture
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I’m seeing some things that would make it tighter and f you’d like me to have at it. Small tweaks. I’m asking before I get in there because we are new friends and I’m sensitive around these subjects. It’s personal for me.

It’s a great poem,
Tim

Depressed 1

Thu, 2022-07-21 02:03

Depressed 1's picture

I appreciate the offer Tim but I really just write what comes in my head the way it comes just to get rid of the thoughts, if that makes sense.

https://www.artofelpaso.com/

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Rosewood Apothecary

Thu, 2022-07-21 06:09

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Perfect sense

RoseBlack

Wed, 2022-07-20 21:47

RoseBlack's picture
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This poem spoke to me on elevated levels. These matters are personal to me as well. It was brave and expressive, well written. Your choice of language and flow fit well. Very well done.

~RoseBlack~

Depressed 1

Thu, 2022-07-21 02:05

Depressed 1's picture

As always I appreciate it. As B.B King once said, "write what you know."

https://www.artofelpaso.com/

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