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Blues In The Key Of Fire

Smoke filled room
On a dreary night
Drops of indigo beat down
With pending doom

On cerulean sheets
She sits and waits
Match sticks falling from her hand
Her lament rose with the heat

Turquoise flames
Dance across window panes
Shards of glass explode
Cutting deep into her veins

House of lies
Would stand no more
A pile of blue-grey ashes
All his secrets they bore

They pulled her out
Beneath a sapphire sky
Burned and broken
A horrible way to die

Her family came
But no one wept
Perhaps she was right
He was the one they kept

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
Second stanza is intentionally longer
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

The quality of your work is consistent. Not to say everything is similar but rather everything is similarly polished up. Loose enough but also structured rhyme pattern rhythm. I know you said that stanza is long purposefully. May I ask why? I offer my suggestion that it need not be. You could compound the 3rd and 4th lines into one long third line. And it would be really close to the stanza before rhythmically

Drops of indigo beat down

Matchsticks falling from her hand

Anyway, you know best and I’m just playing around.
Great poem,
Tim

I was hoping you would weigh in on those lines. I made the change and it makes more sense. Thank you for your input.i don't have a specific style of writing. I usually write free style. Glad you are seeing quality in each piece.

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author comment

something is not quite right here...(he was the one they kept) was it a break in the family? or was it something else? I sense that this rift/slighting was not only decisive, but painful. it is sad, but most memorable is the weaving in of the color blue. I like it very much.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

It was a relationship gone bad and unfortunately, the other party was such a good liar and charmer, his side was often taken. Everything was a lie yet she was the one isolated and one. Glad you enjoyed the poem.

Join in our collaborative poem workshop. Each member will have a chance to write two stanzas at least four lines each. The stanzas must be relative to the poem.

author comment

someday, Karma will get caught up to him...

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

In a way, it has but not karma from me, karma from the past. I doubt I will see any retribution. At this point, I'm just exhausted and done.

Join in our collaborative poem workshop. Each member will have a chance to write two stanzas at least four lines each. The stanzas must be relative to the poem.

author comment

i can certainly understand that!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

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