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BLUE RIDGE MINSTRELS
Listen to the music of these hills
the kind never written, never played
which echoes from hollows and rills
and rolls down ridges to the glade.
The whippoorwill hints at its heart,
a bit of longing in its voice,
with no ending and unplanned start,
crickets supply the background noise.
Wind whispers through the highland pines
and rustles leaves of bottom lands,
even the crack of antler tines
when autumn romance fills the stands.
And all the wildlife joins right in
the drum of grouse, the turkeys' thunder,
exclamations from a fox squirrel den,
the beat of wild wings whirring under.
Lately coyotes added their part
as they sing their lonesome song
emptying their sad, sad hearts
as if they know they don't belong.
Listen to this old land's song
which inspired old Hank and others too.
Listen to this "country" song
it's playing all the time for you.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Wed, 2016-01-06 20:58
Stan...
This is one of your better works! I do believe that it could be a C&W song, for sure! The title is great, the theme is too! It flowed seamlessly from beginning to end and I couldn't wish for better wording. The few little typos can be fixed and you might see if you can pare a couple of the lines to get the best rhythm.
I would leave off the word [with] in the line: with crickets...
Try replacing the word [rhythm] in the line: the rhythm of wild wings, with [thrum]
How about [adding] instead of added?
Ok, to add [s] to heart, [it still keeps the rhyme!
I think you can leave off the [old] from Old Hank, anyone who knows who he is/was knows that he is/was the good old type! Not too much critique, I hope, because I really like this one!
~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Thu, 2016-01-07 08:44
Hi Gee
You have my permission to find a guitar player and record this lol. I'll check out your ideas which are always appreciated. And those damned typos! I tend to read what was meant to be there instead of what is. I appreciate your dropping by......stan
author commentalidzain
Wed, 2016-01-06 22:36
Hi Stan
"Win whispers through the highland pines"
The first word is missing a "d". lol.
Alid
scribbler
Thu, 2016-01-07 08:45
Hi Alid
Typos are my downfall. I am really glad to have friends who let me know I've made them so I can remedy them quickly. Thank you and thanks for dropping by......stan
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