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Blind Choices (rhymed) (updated)

Blind Choices
my vision is clouded over,
a misty veil obscures my sight.
I frantically attempt to focus,
straining with all my might.
Wanting to be unruffled,
feelings get in the way.
Common sense is stifled
as heavily it does weigh.
Doubt rears its ugly head again,
dare I to believe,
in all that has been sacrificed
and all we could achieve?
Formidable is the gossip
destruction set free.
This time I will ignore it,
and treat it as debris
Sometimes it takes a leap of faith
to maintain the road so narrow.
One must set aside all else
continue straight as an arrow.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This poem is included in the manuscript Mirror/rorriM. All help is appreciated. thanks, Cat
Editing stage: 

Comments

the main thing I would suggest is that you divide this into quatrains

what’s say, just for fun, i go through the types of rhyme you have used, since the workshop is underway we won’t waste the moment eh

sight /might. proper or true
way / weigh – approximate, identical
believe / achieved - not true as with the ‘d’ on ‘achieved
try?
‘and all we could achieve’
free / debris - approximate, consonant / assonant
narrow / arrow - in strict form not true rhyme, just as, for example, 'one' is not true rhyme with 'done' or 'come' or such, due to the lack of a consonant….

you can look those up and see if you agree with me or not :)
but all legal and to the ear rhyme imho

an interesting write... i hope that nothing untoward has happened to prompt this
a captivating write too cat - i enjoyed the read
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I have used your suggestion for that one line. I will think on breaking it into quatrains. Sorry I didn't get back to you soooner, but I have been ill. Durring this period of illness I am only on the computer for about a half hour per day, to check to see if I need greeting any new members. The poem is only a poem... no worries there. Thanks for asking.

love, Cat

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author comment

as heavily it does weigh. [eek, my pet peeve, inversion for rhyme]

Just on a personal note, I bridle at the last three lines. I do undertand it represents integrity to your own path, but to me it it reeks of inflexibility.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thank you for your critique and opinions, I can understand how you would feel that way. It is trrue, when it comes to my marriage vows, I am inflexable. Otherwise I never would have taken the vows.

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Thank you for taking the time to read and critique!

:)

Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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