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blended
So many years have went by
Sense I look in my sister’s eye
I’ve not seen her in 6 years!
My anger is blended in love and lies
Giving life to the emptiness that time can’t hide
The emptiness is my substance of pride
A chosen decision protecting my soul
Because 6 years I’ve cried
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Region & Country
Detroit Mi
Favorite Poets
my poets are john Coltrane and Sarah Vaughan OK they are not poets but their music is reason that I write . I want my poetry to flow like their music
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Comments
Trouble
Wed, 2017-03-29 22:46
hey mark I see your point
hey mark I see your point with the synonyms I wont blame it on spellcheck . but when the flow is flowing [ writing a poem ] I must say ! yes sometimes I miss the correct grammar . But thanks 4 UR comment
author commentTrouble
Wed, 2017-03-29 22:56
Snowbells I will always
Snowbells I will always consider your advice . and your rewrite flows so much better but as a child learns to ride a bike I must find my flow . I appreciate your training wheels
author commentKeith Logan
Tue, 2017-03-28 15:38
Hello Trouble
(love that name),
My first thought is to try not to use the same expressions within a few lines. It is worth adjusting the start, something like this:
There's so much time has passed by
since I looked in my sister's eye,
I've not seen her in six years!
My anger blends love and lies
I won't finish this as it wants to continue to be your work but try to keep the rhythm the same throughout.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
Trouble
Wed, 2017-03-29 22:59
Ok Keith I'm going to think
Ok Keith I'm going to think about what you said and thanks 4 the love
author commentlovedly
Thu, 2017-03-30 11:47
this is a workshop poetry site
So many years have (went) gone by
Sense(since) I look(ed) in(to) my sister’s eye
good poets have already corrected above
shed narcissism/ego
I had and still have/(suffer from)
''EGO Cancer''
incurable 'tis lady
you may like to pay heed
before jess this does read
hope you know
jess who!
Esker
Thu, 2017-03-30 12:07
gesso like impassto
clear as a bell this write....
my fam dont talk
my ma was drama leader
circus orator
all that shut down when she
passed with cancer
we tried to meet
talk...but...
not to be
great rhyme!
very real
thank U Trouble!
mr W