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The Bitter Pill

Submitted by alidzain on Thu, 2015-04-16 18:59

If ignorance is a disease,
don't let it fester!
Swallow the bitter pill of truth
dispell the false praises.
The honey-sweet lies given
to stroke your pride,
the poison that you took
to feed your self-indulgence
will not make you wiser.
It is halting you from becoming
the man that you must be,
one who deserves acknowledgement,
someone who is willing to strive
in the process of learning,
a man who has faced honesty
with such humiity that he benefits
from the experience

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

raj

Mon, 2015-04-20 14:29

Good one Alid

raj (sublime_ocean)

alidzain

Mon, 2015-04-20 15:12

alidzain's picture

for the comment and visit.

Alid

author comment

Sparrow

Mon, 2015-04-20 19:21

Sparrow's picture
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As Raj said this was a short truth of things and well written,
Yours as always, Ian

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

alidzain

Tue, 2015-04-21 10:51

alidzain's picture

thanks for the comment and visit.

Alid

author comment

wesley snow

Mon, 2015-04-20 20:44

wesley snow's picture
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Too small for such a subject. Still, the language use is up to standard.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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alidzain

Tue, 2015-04-21 10:53

alidzain's picture

still trying to improve on this one. What do you think about the new edits?

Alid

author comment

wesley snow

Tue, 2015-04-21 16:46

wesley snow's picture
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Better. Watch your line length. Some are considerably longer than the poem in general. Even in verso libre consistency is important.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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