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Anselment

The river absconded with her baby. Twisting; turning; the current carried him out of sight. Noises in the distance meant an end to her plight. Holding her breath, she became a sepulchre, floating evanescently, in a sea of sadness; entombed within her madness.

Lycanthrope combed the outer bank. Conri advanced through his troops like a tank. A sound escaped him, not a howl nor a growl but more of a wail. For a fleeting moment, the savagery and sadism of the wolf dissipated, a grief-laden man in its place. Tears dripping down his face. With the others watching, his mood shifted. The child was gifted; in his tiny hands, held an entire species' fate. Finding him couldn't wait!

"My Lord, we've lost the scent." Conri's face twisted as Bardwolf recounted. Facing the river where he believed his son died, the father in him broke down and cried. "ANSELMENT!"

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Anselment" tells a heartbreaking story of a mother who loses her baby to a river and a father who is determined to find him. The use of vivid imagery, such as the river twisting and turning, creates a sense of urgency and tension that is palpable throughout the poem. The contrast between the mother's despair and the father's determination adds depth and complexity to the narrative, making it a poignant and memorable piece.

However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved. One suggestion would be to clarify the relationship between the mother and father, as it is not immediately clear if they are connected. Additionally, the line "With nothing left to lose, she became a sepulchre" feels a bit forced and could benefit from a more natural transition.

One possible line edit could be: "With nothing left to lose, she became a vessel of grief," which flows more smoothly with the surrounding lines.

Overall, "Anselment" is a powerful poem that evokes strong emotions and leaves a lasting impression. With some minor tweaks, it could become an even more impactful piece.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

continues, in a most convincing way! I like the the grief of the father explained by his wails. Good work! ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

It's going to get more interesting as the father's two sides collide. The wolf in him has a duty to his pack..the child had a purpose and without him, they are all at risk but the man/father in him grieves and longs for his son but can't let it show. Even the most savage beast can feel....

~RoseBlack~

author comment

AI is right about the tension in the poem it is like a river racing away from its source. when the father lost his cool, what went through my mind was not to show weakness or the pack will rip you apart! I am really enjoying your experiments in poetry. thank you!

*hugs, Cat

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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You hit the nail on the head as always. I am enjoying this experiment as well. It will get more interesting as the father's two sides collide with one another and the baby becomes a man.

~RoseBlack~

author comment

You’re such a nerd. Lol. Is that the spelling of seplechre??
I’ve been enjoying this series. Subject matter is outside the of box for me so that’s cool and the style is different and interesting. I personally like the crossover between prose and poetry the way you execute it.
Tim

I really am a nerd! I had to look up the spelling for sepulchre and there seems to be a couple of different ways so I chose that one. I am glad you are enjoying this. The cross over has been a challenge but makes me think and unlock better writing abilities I didn't know I had. I haven't abandoned Broken Boy...I will be returning to that at some point in the future. More to come....

~RoseBlack~

author comment
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