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angelic love

Submitted by lovedly on Sat, 2015-12-05 15:08

When two angels love

Gentle soft and smooth,
as roses petals
one would wish
were placed in ones basket of love daily
by friends equally lovely

I am that fish
with a mermaids stance
face is worthy of many a glance

My mane like a horse's
and my figure stout
on horseback with a hat on
when I am out

Then as I swim
like a mermaid too
without a bikini
wonder how.... would you
Life is a melody of much hue
when someone is in love
with someone anew

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Sparrow

Sun, 2015-12-06 04:09

Sparrow's picture
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Saw a girl in a pub once and her hair was a beaut red colour and she had the face of an Angel, so I was forced to write a short piece for her:-

A Feeling
If a mermaid were to break the surface of the sea
Regain her legs and walk with me
I would think of you..

Your piece could be a lot more descriptive, or is it the feelings that you have missed out, not sure it pulled then juddered, maybe a few small changes..
Take care young Bard,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

lovedly

Sun, 2015-12-06 11:46

lovedly's picture

you know what
smart man Ian

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