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Almost Mine
My heart breaks for you
All the pain you’ve put me through
All the times I thought that this time it would be different
This time I can make it work
My heart breaks for you
And I still let you walk all over it
I’d let you stomp on it
even cut it if that would make you happy
The way that my heart breaks is more than just pain and sadness
It’s love and joy
Every time I see you happy with someone else although it hurts
I’m still happy to see you smile
Hear you laugh
To look into your joy filled eyes
Something I can’t forget
Something I never want to forget
My heart breaks for you probably forever more
I need to let go
even though we had it almost
_scaredpoet._
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Wed, 2021-10-06 08:51
I think...
that a more appropriate title for this one would be: "My Heart Breaks [From] You."
You are writing this with too much grief. I couldn't help thinking that the writer will look back on this experience as a learning one. Keep writing about your feelings and you will discover that no one knows as much about you as you. A good piece that will get better as you rewrite and rewrite it. ~ Geezer.
.
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Owl Has My Soul
Wed, 2021-10-06 09:50
I really like the combination
I really like the combination of a) heartbreak/loss with b) open love of what was lost.
A few thoughts
- consider mentioning or alluding to how or why you have such unconditional love for this person.
- You repeat, "My heart breaks FOR you." Is this an offering to the other person? I think Geez' suggested use of FROM could work too. If it is the former, then it might suggest being so blinded by the other person that you are giving your power away still.