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All Passion Is

She serves wine
not from goblets
but her nipples divine
all love such sweet white wine

They all thirst for more
then she speaks no more
tears roll down her eyes
all then runaway those guys

the world is a place
of laughing stock in disguise
seek no hope in sharing sadness
the guys beguile

then when you smile again
hiding deep hidden your pain
it may also rain
may snow become cold
but those men come on a horse ride
and with you heavenly wards fly

this is the only way
the ages have past by
on the sly
all know why smile
and I shall smile too
don't shed your tears my lover will you

you are just a few moments company
when you are done
over so is the symphony

do you strangers out there read me
come and within my palpitating heart see
just hear me
deaf as you may be
the world will smile with me

I am today's reality
nay since ages
I have been your sound of music
only till you loved to hear me

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

The theme and concept behind this piece is good.
You have picked up a habit of going from "She " to "Me"
Shifting the state from her to me isn't good
but I am sure with a touch of your Keys you can unlock the real person.
Take care out there, From I, Me, and Him...
Yours,
As always Ian ..

Words can build a nation

wait and seeeeeeeeeeeee

author comment

to keep the tone of language consistent. Try to avoid mixing archaic high language (her "nipples divine", an inversion used in olden times, or "nay", which is hardly used today, with the likes of "those guys", or "strangers out there" which is more modern "low" vernacular language.
Also when using rhyme (only the word "cold" has no companion in rhyme until the end) don't drop it in last stanza where the rhyme is the most critical and important, there is too much space between "reality" and "me" with "ages" and "music" Like a villanelle, an poem like this using an A/A'/A''/A''' scheme in the previous stanza, the last stanza needs the same completion, or sounds flat.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I may have to redo the whole thing
This poem was composed after I read
SOLITUDE
of a great poetess
and
the words found some archaic intermingled with modern shape

Shall take care again

author comment

when referring to a poem or poet (or person) in a poem, in this case Ella Wilcox, by all means do not hide the fact. There are so many poems that do this, acknowledging in epitaph, dedication, title, or within the poem. It helps the reader, and does justice to the subject.
Wilcox was the most successful poetess of the 19th Century, but mostly her works are now berated for the same reason as Joyce Kilmer ("I think that I shall never see a poem as lovely as a tree..."). I think that is a bit unfair, she was a product of the Victorian age and her poems did reach the populace. But as the 20th century saw women's poetry in Plath, Oliver, Bogan, Moore, etc get acclaim, Wilcox does seem trite.and overly measured. Her perfect cadences become sing-songy, her messages kind of obvious without the personal tension and outrageous sexuality of the 20th century. But I respect the milieu she wrote in, and her success.
No one should dispute a poet's influences, and nor will I. Her work was able to reach "the masses", especially those who were illiterate or never read poetry, and that's a great thing. We all have a bit of Miniver Cheevy in us (if you do not know this poem, see it by Edgar Robinson)

But the poems in her book "Passions and Solitude" surely are below the current standards for passion and solitude. This i would consider.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

for your deep education
I just read a poem ''any one's''
not recording the poets name
and then vomit from my mind's domain
thanks once again

you know poetically
I am not as learned

author comment
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