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Alive

The moon is my company this evening.
By the nervous rays it transmits through my window, you are lit solemnly and with us also
In sleep and in consciousness I am by your side
The light falls and trickles down your face and onto the pillow

Placing my finger on your eyebrow, I move it
A little to the left, feeling the pressure of your skin upheave and settle
As I trace it through the coarse hairs, a chestnut brown
Two shades darker than your eye colour, now shielded from me by a quivering eyelid

There comes and goes a moment when your restless breath
Falls in synchrony with the music in the background
He's your favourite artist; I bring the edge of my mouth into a sort of half smile
But even Mona Lisa cannot compete with yours

I wonder about our lives in times like these, and how entwined they came to be
In moments when the wind outside and rain and people become
Irrelevant, only my soul dances in the twilight air
When all energy and life becomes concentrated in such a small room like ours

Good morning. Is this the right remark to make? The night is ripe, but mellows
As we steal the magic from it;
You intercept it unknowingly

And I am happy.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Welcome to Neopoet. I’ve just witnessed a mist beautiful moment. I’m very glad you wrote it. I’m very glad you shared it with us here. I policed it for typos and areas that could be stronger and I can’t find anything. It’s powerful and dreamy and I enjoyed reading this thoroughly.

Welcome to the site,
Tim

to the poetry site. I hope your work will find a home here! I agree with Tim! hope to read more of your work soon.

*always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

reminded of a song in which I hear the phrase "In the midnight hour." I don't remember which song, but it is enough that it is brought to mind. I picture the scene as being the gaze of a lover, leaning over their partner, and taking in the beauty of them.
I just wish that the awkward pause that arises from the next to last stanza, was eliminated. I am speaking of the lines that say:

"In the moments when the wind outside and the rain and people
Become irrelevant, only my soul dances in the twilight air."

For all of us old school, the capitalization of [become] starts a new line, which ends the previous line in an odd manner. This is the product of the increasing trend to capitalize each line. I do it sometimes, and so do a lot of people, but I try to do it in such a way that every line can stand alone as a statement. Not a big deal, just something I wished to point out. Good work otherwise. I felt the magic of the moment, as did Tim and Candlewitch. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Such an appropriate title for this tender, wonderful piece. These few moments described feel so alive! We speak about being "present" in our lives, and that is exactly how this poem feels - that you are living in this exact moment and enjoying its full potential. The final line is a strong affirmation to the appreciation of the moment. Very nice.
Welcome!
Lavender

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