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ALARM CLOCK BLUES
A quiet stillness in the air
dawn of the longest summer day
it seems the night was far too short
cool dew will soon waft away
Like me, this day is slow to start
dread of too many hours heat
faced with far too little sleep
of listening to my own heart beat
The furnace clears the eastern trees
a stir of breeze teases tall grass
signaling full start of day
and time for lethargy to pass
I yawn and sigh, get to my feet
time to get on out the door
another day another dollar
seems I've heard this song before
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Sun, 2012-07-01 14:52
hi Lonnie
Yeah I guess an old retired guy like yourself might even recall them fondly lol. Thanks for coming by...........stan
author commentloved
Mon, 2012-07-02 01:19
you are slow,,,yes but steady and musical true
why don't you read others works too ..
i see ur always in limelight,
the darkness we share
and
in the midst of loneliness
stands out Stan
some how ....some where
lovely flows the strings of poesy
oh my god heaven knows
how the world can be fussy
the heat kills me...
hence no poetry
loved
scribbler
Mon, 2012-07-02 07:37
hi loved
I work mostly outdoors. As hot as it's been lately I've been so whipped at day's end that I do well to check comments. Hopefully cooler weather will lead to more reading of others. BTW didn't I read and comment on one of yours yesterday?..Appreciate your dropping by..............stan
author commentloved
Mon, 2012-07-02 13:51
you appreciate my dropping means
something funny
as droppings...
are referred to birds'
something something
you know what
what ever one may say
Stan,
you alone make my day
read or comment
never will I lament,
as soft as soft I can be
with friend Stan
I will try to be
with ye
loved
Ian.T
Mon, 2012-07-02 04:38
Stan
Though I liked this one, i was looking for the usual AC-BD rhythm??
But as you have said you are experimenting with form
I like the odd change to your normal way of writing here we will see what others say about traditional form and how it fits in.
Your work is as usual excellent, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
scribbler
Mon, 2012-07-02 07:40
Hi Ian
The fact that you and others have come to expect a particular rhyme scheme from me is enough reason to change occasionally lol. Thanks for visiting..............stan
author commentIan.T
Mon, 2012-07-02 10:07
Stan
Your reply brings back a memory..I use to go to work on a motor bike the same route each day and would stop at a shop on the way for a packet of cigarettes, I did this for a while then one day as I walked in the door the lady there put a packet of cigarettes on the counter for me..
I never returned it seemed like someone had invaded my thoughts..
Go well young man and what the hell were all those rocking chairs doing in one room???? Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
scribbler
Mon, 2012-07-02 12:18
hi Ian
But did she put the right brand out? And rocking chairs are good cat repellants lmao..............stan
author commentIan.T
Mon, 2012-07-02 17:53
Stan
Of course she put the right thing on the counter lol, she knew what I wanted.
Now you are being mucky, I didn't, had I, I would have been late for work.
and the shop would have to close lol..
Take care and look out for that wayward cat He's rocking around the room, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Geezer
Mon, 2012-07-02 15:17
You have...
always had a way of reaching my little mind, with your take on such ordinary things as the day to day events of everyday life. Well done sir! ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Mon, 2012-07-02 20:26
Hey Gee
It's great to see you back! Good of you to come by and say hello...............stan
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