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Jagged (Revised)

Fucked over from the start
brutally narcissistic, cruel
you went for the jugular

Knew where to cause the most pain
gasping, clawing
fighting breath

Inserted the blade
sliced and made the incision
penetrated the muscle

Probed and examined
dissected and bisected,
each part.

You thrust and skewered
wrenched me open
to examine.

Crooked little scar
jagged and worn,
ripped beneath my heart

Editing stage: 

Comments

of the Lady Love. She only cares for the moment. After she is done with you, you are abandoned, left with the scars of her manipulations. One little criticism. You spelled [tear] wrong. Great job! Love ya, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

thank you

love lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Love can be cruel and unrelenting, as you have proven here. Good one!

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you

much love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

It was poetry like this that made me challenge you to write a joyous poem. And I've got to say you did it superbly. Frankly I am really bored with your "being hurt in love" poetry, as well written as it is.

There is a whole universe to deal with.
http://dingo.care2.com/cards/flash/5409/galaxy.swf
check it out.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Love this youtube, have often posted it, though not recently enough to have forgotten it.

Lou, I love your fuck you I'll write what I write when the mood hits me, it's one that I have used
since I returned to writing poetry again after 30 year hiatus...kids, work, a bad marriage and lots and lots of reading... being int the marketplace...

I know a lot of our poetry is to excise the demons in us, and Neopoet offers a mix of every genre
of poetry, no matter what our favourite flavour is.

It's just that we care (yes I do!) and hate to see folks get *stuck* in their tried & true genres. There's more than one side to us to reveal itself to the poetic form......It seems to me, when we are *stuck* is when the muse decides to leave....for parts unknown...s/he is sick of fucking in the missionary position. ;-)

~A

~A

but i like to do things at my own pace, i don't mean to be rude, I just need to discover my own path, i am aware there are other subjects, just need to feel the inspiration.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

This is the best I've heard from anyone anywhere in a long time, Lou.

A bow of thank you.

~A

I don't write my poems with you in mind, therefore I write what I want to. I understand what you are trying to say, but I will write on other subjects if and when the mood takes me.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

but I care,
and cherish talent, like you have.
It's what I do.

So I often offer unwelcome suggestions.
Tell me to fuck off as often as you like.
I believe you are are a better poet than you give yourself credit for and am really only suggesting you extend your range of subject.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I understand totally, but as I said to Anna I need to find my own path, and write about other subjects, when I feel inspired. I love writing dark poems and that will never change, the same for what you call my victim poems. I will extend my range but if and when i feel i can, but as i said the dark side will always be part of my writing.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

now and then.
Ask a kid "Why do you ask so many qustions?'
The kid replies "I'm a kid, it's my job"

Same for poets, I reckon.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

It's always good to be reminded that this isn't the only side of that. lol.

~A

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