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GRATEST SHOW ON EARTH
Watch the clowns as they all gambol
skipping, tripping, falling down
cartwheeling without preamble
it's the greatest show in town
The ringleader riding wild asses
elephant trainers strive for control
all seen by fools in rosy glasses
in the marble tent upon the knoll
Let's cheer at the circus show
we'll all stand to make more room
while the three rings down below
distract us from our country's doom
* response to the so called leaders in Congress
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Sun, 2011-07-31 16:08
Hi Rose
I'll check out cartwheeling with Webster. I think I'll change to semi-colon on other line. Thanks for eagle eye...........stan
author commentweirdelf
Sun, 2011-07-31 21:57
Gratest?
Because it grates on your nerves? Or greatest?
If you could use allusion or some other device to be more specific about how they are bringing about the country's doom you wouldn't need the asterisk, which kind of admits you are failing to carry your message.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Sun, 2011-07-31 23:02
Gratest as in grating
I am attempting to convey disgust at partisan politics in Congress without taking sides as Both sides are culpable in this circus...............stan
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2011-08-01 01:36
well just look at it and think
how can I remove any need for an asterisk or last few words?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Mon, 2011-08-01 07:58
hi
Would require another stanza or two.........will let simmer a bit and return..............stan
author comment