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Devouring Shadows (a rewrite)
Devouring Shadows
Lights flick off,
Suddenly
Drowning the room
In complete,
Compelling darkness,
Devouring every shadow.
No window present
To mar the blackness
With soft shadow.
It begins...
the pounding heart
eyes wide with fear
they huddle in the gloom
some flat on their bellies
to avoid bullets going astray
Somewhere
Shrill siren screaming
Breaks the night
Into tiny
Fragmented pieces
Thin walls,
Echoing with gunshot,
Sounding out in the night,
As another gang member
Breathes his last
On the bitter, damp street.
yet there are those
with emotions so saturated
with this daily menu of mayhem
they feel only numbness
and relief at being alive.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
This poem is for another book of poetry which I am writing: Mirror Mirror...
by: Caitlin Mattison
Editing stage:
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Author information
Region & Country
Northwestern Wisconsin USA
Favorite Poets
Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda and many more.
Comments
lou
Thu, 2011-07-14 13:55
Cat
Loved the title, language was used sparely but effectively. The lines were a little short, obviously that was intended, it caused the rhythm etc, to be a little sharp. I enjoyed the theme, as if you hadn't guessed already, I love a dark theme lol !!
Good job
Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Candlewitch
Mon, 2011-07-18 11:35
Thanks Lou!
I always enjoy reading what you liked about my poems.
always, Cat)
*
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And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentloved
Thu, 2011-07-14 14:00
My Honour
My Honour
It’s a signal honour,
ma'am
Whenever you visit my leaf,
It helps me turn,
A new leaf,
In my life!
loved
Candlewitch
Mon, 2011-07-18 11:35
HI!
Thank you Loved!
always, Cat)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentCandlewitch
Mon, 2011-07-18 11:36
Dear Lonnie,
Thank you for your gracious comment. Due to Ian's comment, which gave me food for thought, there will be a little more. I hope you like it when I'm finished.
always, Cat)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentCandlewitch
Mon, 2011-07-18 11:37
Dear Ian,
Thank you for your critique. It has caused me to examine this piece more closely for what I was trying to convey. I will do a rewrite and invite your examination.
always, Cat)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
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