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Unholy Scream - Cliches Workshop Poem

An unholy scream punctures the silent landscape
pierces the gun metal grey,
against the cruel winter’s sky.

Darkest before the dawn
as agony abuses the air,
jerking in spasm.

Feathers wrenched from a muscular frame,
a pair of sleek Ravens wings , of vast dimension.
Armageddon’s warning.

Perversion and amorality his clarion call,
Innocence died.
On this ashen night.

Banished from heaven,
discarded upon the sodden earth.
Abandoned since birth.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
The cliche Darkest before the dawn, was the inspiration for this poem
Editing stage: 

Comments

Thank you

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

stop picking on me!...you know I am going to win, no matter how hard you try to knock me!

That said, this is an awesome poem and does make mine look somewhat half baked!

LOL!

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

Thanks, lol

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Very nice! I love the darkness you brought to it.

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you Cat, i'm glad that you like it.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Lou,

this could be your best poem to date.

I couldn't choose a fav stanza, I liked them all and each stood proudly on its own and together made a real quality piece.

I liked the structure of very long lines and then short ones...so I guess it is the lack of structure I like!!

I'll come back when i have a little time and see if anything needs a tweak, but for now, good job indeed!

HS

--------------
Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
--------------
With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

I am really pleased that you liked it so much. It's good to be in my comfort zone, it's always best to have the freedom to express things in your own style, much easier.

Cheers

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

I might fall off the podium, maybe I'll just be your look out, keep my Eagle eye out LOL !!!

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Thank you so much. Yes died will probabley sound better.

love lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment
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