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Submitted by scribbler on Wed, 2011-06-15 20:07

Style / type:

Structured: Western

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

Candlewitch

Thu, 2011-06-16 11:00

Sequel was Dan's Idea!

And what a great idea it was! I had chills reading this. It is the top haunt of my day. I love the way the tension builds with every line right up to the end. Haunted Places are my favorite to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there, burr! So thank you Stan and Dan (for urging him on) I have no suggestions, just appreciation for the work rendered!

always, Cat (& eddy)

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

scribbler

Thu, 2011-06-16 13:24

Hi Cat

Thanks for such kind comment............stan

author comment

scribbler

Fri, 2011-06-17 18:32

Hi Rose

Good to see you .I wondered about grave yard lol.Thanks for time to read and comment..........stan

author comment

loved

Fri, 2011-06-17 18:34

i will get up ere the sunrise tomorrow

to read another epic

I declined Istan

but can't dare you....
my man STAN

FROM LATE ISTAN.....

loved

scribbler

Fri, 2011-06-17 19:03

hi loved

Now this is hardly an epic lol. Thanks for wading through both parts though...........stan

author comment

loved

Sun, 2011-06-19 13:30

ITS LIKE

All Quiet on the WESTERN FRONT

AS QUITE LOVELY AS

LAURENCE OF ARABIA

HOPE U haveseen both
as i paddled through...

loved

scribbler

Sun, 2011-06-19 18:11

hi

Have seen both, but long ago...............stan

author comment

Hooded Stranger

Sun, 2011-06-19 12:04

Stan

Stan,

this gave me a reminder of the Blairwitch Project film (Stan be careful if you watch this alone at home in the dark, it will scare your pyjamas right off ya and that will then scare the pyjama's off your neighbours and it will be a bloody nightmare on Elm Street part 12). Where the people kept trying to find their way out and kept ending up where they started...and then the shit really hit the fan.

Again, you've used a simple rhyming sequence to keep the story bubbling along just like the first...although as I read further down I found I was reading faster...almost in a panic.

Don't change a word, it all fits and works like a dream.

Impressive imagination my friend.

You are a relaxing read...I need relaxing from time to time.

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

scribbler

Sun, 2011-06-19 13:28