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My Pen

Submitted by Apostolos "Paul... on Thu, 2011-06-02 19:24

At the sound
Of her voice
Agony grows
Weary

She knows
The pain
Of living with
A two headed demon
That nauseates
Stomachs

She understood
The fear in a voice
The sweat dripping
From palms

Finding safety
From the seed of
Growing paranoia

Dancing on the page
Leaving images behind
Giving birth to words
That saves

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Timbo

Fri, 2011-06-03 07:07

Timbo's picture

an excellent write,
Tim

Kailashana2

Fri, 2011-06-03 07:52

I nitpick here, Paul

I so dislike capitalized words at the beginning of each line, esp. in very short-lined poems such as this,
but it's only me.

The end, however, would work better (not using gerunds but keeping in active present tense).

Dancing on the page
Leaving images behind
Giving birth to words
That saves

(the page dances
leaves images
behind
births words
that (or to) save me

(put yourself back into the poem, Paul) A very fine poem!

~Anna

faithmairee

Thu, 2011-06-09 22:21

faithmairee's picture

i agree this is excellent....so good to be reading you again :)

Faith

There must be a poem in here somewhere.

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