something other than “free verse.” I wonder if one can write this without the “i”,s....
Line two, As supple trees are set to dance.
Verse three, line one, "What of" instead of “I think”
In the last verse could you use All instead of “I”

I think {What} of lives lived fancy free
and what such freedom must feel like
such a life was never meant for me {to be}
my (for one) thumb destined to plug the (a) dike

I hope you get the idea of what I am suggesting here. Sorry I don’t have a revision of
verse four. Perhaps this is not a challenge you like. I thought I would share one someone gave to me a while back and it got me to thinking about writing with using “I’s"

This is my first comment here at Neopoet, so I ask you to be patient with me if make less than perfect sense. I'm just getting my legs.
I liked the poem and particularly the subject. I do have one complaint if you call it that. This is something that I think is characteristic of me more than a large percentage of poets online. I find an absence of fundamental punctuation rattling. The meter in this poem, though consistent, is not without liberties. The punctuation allows these variations in meter to loom larger. A judiciously placed comma can speed or slow when needed. Not that meter should not be a high priority.

I don’t know what i am doing as a poet. Just trying to share what people have said to me along the way. I admire your work and you feedback on what I post.

Stan, simply adore the introduction...the first line of the poem. I think I got wet in with the visual. ;-) The 3rd line alliteration. "The tick of time just down the hall." A great feel to this, as are most of your poems. However, I'd also love to see you improve the last paragraph; the poem's weakest part, I think. It needs a real-eye-opener-ending.

~A

withoutany doubt

I like the visual effects in the lovely rhyme but it falls out of meter in many places. I think tightening up the syllable counts in each line to be consistent will help. Also, this piece lacks basic punctuation and it needs it in order for readers to understand stops and starts.

The rhyme is good but I think it could be a bit more original. An idea might be:

Night hurls hard rain against black glass,
trees bend their bows to woodland floor;
a tempest's dance too soon to pass
through promises that came before.

Just a thought. All in all, this poem has lovely imagery and a wonderful thought process. Smooth this a bit and do not be afraid to rhyme more difficult words. It will help to avoid the forced rhyme effect and keep this poem from becoming cliché.

I hope you found this critique positive and helpful. Thank you for the opportunity to absorb your words. ~Pamela

I will speak chiefly of my poetry in this and maybe make my viewpoint clearer. I'm rather particular about punctuation in poetry. I know I have had a number of people tell me that "poetry has its own rules and doesn't need common punctuation. This is erroneous to me. The first priority for a functioning poet is clarity. Without the poem being understood there is no point to the poem. Poetry (to me) is the same as any other writing. Punctuation is a tool for clarity to be achieved. It must be used as much and not more than any essay, short story or newspaper article. Scribbler, I had trouble with your poem the first time I read it because sans punctuation the sentences had an "unnatural" sense to them. No beginnings, no endings. When I subconsciously added the commas and such myself, much of the confusion left, but that is not the reader's responsibility. As a poet I have a unique advantage other types of writing do not have. With the use of meter I can actually force my reader to read in a very specific way, but without punctuation I am robbing myself of much of that tool. When I think of how my poem should be punctuated I eliminate all of the aspects of poetry and read my work as though a paragraph of prose.
I'm not being as succinct as I would like. Chalk it up to the hour where I am.
My final vote- punctuate no differently than prose.
wesley

AwEsOme!!!! I lOved iT.....

Hey, thanks for considering my comments as an interesting conversation (I did) and not a bash. I am fresh from another online forum (which will remain nameless) where everyone there had been worked into a frenzy by a member who offered very good critiques, but did so in a less than elegant way. So after a little bit of this, all and sundry were jumping at the slightest "slight". I am probably a little over sensitive from the experience myself. To punctuate or not to punctuate is a complex subject and your comments above have given me suddenly a very different way of looking at it. It is gratifying to be somewhere that poetry can be discussed and not get in the way of personalities or feelings. Gonna have to try an experiment and see if I can write something so crafted that it is read the same with or without punctuation. Thanks again. wesley

we can not look back or project forward.
we are only in the pleasure or pain of this moment, and both are good emotions

Eddie

Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you. Lao Tzu

Came back because some of my growing pains here at the "New Site" have calmed and I find a lot of the same conversation. I just read ALL of the comments and I think after bouncing around on both sides of this, everyone pretty much agrees. Better care with our phrases in general can reduce, even limit the need for punctuation, but punctuation has always been and remains a critical tool in written communication. Therefore, become a better writer to limit the need and become a better writer to use punctuation correctly when needed. In short- become a better writer. Thank you guys for the conclusion and Stan, good to know you now on both sides of the pond. wesley

Now ask wifey
how much older are ye

you bring life to 2011 memory
then all kick me
poet who
you want t be reread too
blast you!
they bet 3.5 dollars
whether i will be read
when cold dead

who knows
I won't

stan will you?