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VICTORY

Preparation, anticipation, awaiting the baton
other team already handed off
my leg of the race will soon be on
I clear my throat with nervous cough

Now my team mate's drawing near
exhaustion in his weary eyes
I begin running ere he gets here
exchange made, I tote the prize

Feet flying, eyes in front of me
slowly, I'm gaining on my foe
he glances back so as to see
who it is that's running so

Three fourths now around the oval track
breath coming hard, harsh and loud
rival's strides becoming slack
I draw even, heedless of the crowd

Neck and neck down the last stretch
we both will our weary legs to run
in my side I feel a painful catch
a few more yards the relay will be done

The finish line! then stop real slow
so close we both await the call
whoever wins both athletes know
the thrill of having given all

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

teammate can be one word
Some great sounds (er and e) in the wording of verses two and three... giving good rhythm...
In verse two "weary" eyes doesn't seem right but I don't have a good suggestion.
Verse three, "eyes in front of me" perhaps gaze or stare in front of me
Last line of verse five perhaps won instead of done, but just a word choice or consistent with the title.
Interesting poem that I take literally about a relay race... former track man or have you been watching track meets?

vexations

Thanks for the read and good suggestions. I will most likely use some in edit. And yes, it is about a race. The main message being that to give one's all is a victory in itself. Yes I am a former track,(440 dash,relays,pole vault and long jump)football, and tennis player. Couldn't tell by looking at me now lol.......stan

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