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Silent Stones

Submitted by Depressed 1 on Fri, 2024-08-30 02:27

Here I stand in a field all alone

In a field filled with silent stones

Chiseled with dates and names

Of when they left and when they came

Some made of granite, some of marble stone

Beneath them the remains of forgotten bones

Around them are flowers, some alive, some dead

Some stones have only memories that cannot be read

Some of them are big, and some are small

Some have Angels, and some have nothing at all

When I take my very last breath, and I am gone

I wonder if anyone will ever visit my silent stone

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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neopoet

Fri, 2024-08-30 08:30

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Silent Stones" effectively conveys a sense of solitude and contemplation through its imagery of a field filled with gravestones. The repetition of "some" in describing the different characteristics of the stones creates a sense of variety and individuality among them. The poem also prompts reflection on mortality and the idea of being remembered after death.

One suggestion for improvement could be to explore more vivid and specific descriptions to enhance the emotional impact of the poem. For example, delving deeper into the feelings evoked by the presence of the gravestones or incorporating sensory details could further engage the reader. Additionally, considering the use of varied poetic devices such as metaphor, simile, or symbolism could add layers of meaning to the piece.

Overall, "Silent Stones" effectively captures a poignant moment of introspection, and further development of imagery and poetic devices could enrich the reader's experience.

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Candlewitch

Fri, 2024-08-30 06:08

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I have not seen you for awhile, it is good to have yo back with us again! I hope you are well? I like your poem about this grave yard. I like how it seems almost impersonal... Almost! until the ending which comes as a very personal after thought!

*hugs, Cat

*
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Depressed 1

Fri, 2024-08-30 09:09

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Thanks Cat. I am trying to get by every day. It gets difficult sometimes but I always seem to get through it. I guess I will keep getting through it until I don't anymore.

https://www.artofelpaso.com/

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Candlewitch

Sat, 2024-08-31 07:01

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If ever you just need a person to talk to, I am here for you... only a p.m. away/ I am nonjudgmental and I am very familiar with depression. I have what they call "clinical depression" and ptsd. I am managing both with medication. when ever you need a good listener, I am here for you.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Depressed 1

Sun, 2024-09-01 03:52

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Thanks, Cat. Unfortunately or fortunately, I do not believe in medication. I mean, I believe they exist; I just don't take them. I am not judging people who do, but I don't take any. Thanks for the invite to talk. I may just take you up on it one day.

https://www.artofelpaso.com/

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Candlewitch

Sun, 2024-09-01 07:22

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I think that is grand that you do not take medication! Do vitamins fall into the category of no-no's?

way-back-when, my mother was pregnant with me she was given a medication so she would not have a miscarriage and lose me. that drug greatly reduced my immune system! All she really needed to do was stay in bed with her feet elevated. She did not like that prognosis.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Geezer

Fri, 2024-08-30 10:07

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A thing that I'm sure a lot of people have thought about.
You might try adding a syllable or two to some lines to make the meter. [Which always helps the reader]
Examples:
" Here I stand in a field all alone"
"In a [big] field filled with silent stones"

"Chiseled with dates and [their] names
"Of when they left and when they came."

I like this piece a lot, somber, but not brutally morose.
I don't think that a rewrite for all the lines is necessary,
because some are longer. Just make sure that the rhyming lines match in meter.
I find that [sometimes], when all the lines are just alike in meter,
it gets stuffy. Having some lines indicating a change in tempo [due to a change in mood or tenor],
is often beneficial to the piece. By the way, I notice that you don't often write in rhyme,
so, I commend you for stepping outside of your box.
~ Geez.
.

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Depressed 1

Sat, 2024-08-31 05:45

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Thanks, Geezer, for reading and commenting.

https://www.artofelpaso.com/

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