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The Birth Of Eddy Styx (warning: subject matter) rewrite
The Birth of Eddy Styx
Now: When night falls, the surrounding hills embrace the remains of the setting sun, opening into scattered canyons in the sky.
Somewhere between twilight and dusk is where I find a painted odyssey and the restoration of the ruined dreams lost in childhood's transition to maturity.
Then: But a woman child of thirteen, you raped and took my innocence - a trusted family member, you.
I remember the car in which you would drive me home after babysitting your innocent young children.
The bloody spot on the seat, which never quite came out, no matter how hard you scrubbed; a testament to my fear and shame.
Did you tell your wife lies about cutting yourself to explain away the stain on the seat?
But no way ever to explain away the stain you left on my mind and soul.
Pleading for help from my family to stop the violations and nightly abuse,
Only bringing ridicule and accusations against me of trying to break up your marriage,
I was sent back to babysit, again and again; slave labor so you and my sister could work to feed your family.
Born of my blood, sweat, and tears, you made your living and my life Hell.
Praying to a God of no compassion brought no protection or relief; God was just another lie.
One frigid day in February, I awoke with the cold steel of a knife in my hand.
Giving in to my revulsion and rage, I cut your private parts and brandished the blade.
There would be no more abuse from you, or I would cut and gut you like a fish - blood for blood.
You believed me. I could see it in your terror widened eyes, blood soaked and gushing.
It is ironic that I should thank you for my male alter ego:
The birth of Eddy Styx!
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
(rewritten 4-28-11)
Editing stage:
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Author information
Region & Country
Northwestern Wisconsin USA
Favorite Poets
Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda and many more.
Comments
Breakinglogic
Thu, 2011-04-21 08:53
i think the theme here is
i think the theme here is strong but held back by the formating.
some of the lines ran into eachother and made it harder to read.
that said,i really liked the inclusion of blood for blood.
i think it was a strong line.
you get props in my book for hitting on a taboo subject too
i think the title is fitting but did lack meaning until those last lines.
im curious whrther eddy styx is an anagram
glad i stopped by
cheers,
logic
☆ raffy
Candlewitch
Wed, 2011-04-27 10:30
Dear Logic,
Thank you for reading and giving my poem an in-depth response. Have you any suggestions of example that you can give me on the lines that you felt ran into each other? I'll see what I can do to make it more clear. No, eddy styx is not an anagram. It is just the name which occurred to me when I started writing dark poetry. eddy styx is my alter ego. Thank you again.
always, eddy styx (& cat)
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author commentKINGZOMBIE
Thu, 2011-04-21 09:13
Wow Cat:-)
Very vivid and very brutal, right up my alley, and as for the subject matter I am floored.Great job, and long live eddy styx:-)
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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"
Candlewitch
Wed, 2011-04-27 10:40
Dear KZ,
Thank you for your honest response and your continued support.
always, eddy (& cat)
*
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author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2011-04-27 10:44
Dear Chrys,
Yes, a very brutal act! Thanks for your input and for believing in me (us). I do have some bad poems which need help (some of them are so bad that they are embarrassing, LOL! I will be posting them in future.)
always, eddy (& cat)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2011-04-27 11:00
Dear Rosi and Xena,
I am glad to be ranked up there with the warrior woman, Xena! She is my hero and friend. There is always room to tighten up the work on my poetry, so I will turn it over to Steve, my editor for this job. My punctuation is always in trouble, LOL! But thank you for your support and soulful answer. It is greatly appreciated.
(love) eddy (& cat)
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author commentEduardo Cruz
Fri, 2011-04-22 03:17
Cat
it's just to much to take in, had to stop twice with the anger that weiled up in me.
This is scary good,
What a way to give birth out of the mind throught the pen and on to the realty of the written word.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Candlewitch
Wed, 2011-04-27 11:08
Dear Eddie,
I can understand how it made you angry, for yours is a righteous soul that doesn't tolerate injustice of any kind. Thank you for your response.
always, eddy (& Cat)
*
When someone reads your work
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And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentziggy
Sun, 2011-04-24 08:39
hi cat
this all seems so real as I read it
very impressive writing, left me with
chills and watery eyes I would not change
a word on my first read but may return, you
are indeed our dark QUEEN of neo ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs xx
hope you keeping well will mail you soon
I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.
Candlewitch
Wed, 2011-04-27 11:18
Dearest Ziggy,
Hey Bro, thanks for the support. I have asked Steve for his help on tightening it up and he has agreed to do so. I should have the changes by tomorrow or the next day.
I and Steve are good. I am having some oral surgery on Thursday, which I hate to even think about. Then it is apple sauce and soup for me for a few days, LOL! I hope you are well and I'm looking forward to hearing from you.
always, eddy (& cat)
*
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author commentlou
Mon, 2011-04-25 04:27
Cat
I totally agree with Zigs, great job.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Candlewitch
Wed, 2011-04-27 11:20
Thanks, Lou,
Always great to hear from you!
always, eddy (& cat)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentCCfire
Mon, 2011-04-25 06:44
I think you've handled a very
I think you've handled a very hard subject with great skill and vivid images and I think if a poet has to tackle this then it has to be the raw truth of it and I think you capture that right here. I quite like the presentation of it as if it all comes out in a rush of memories and anger where stanza's may detract from that.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
Candlewitch
Wed, 2011-04-27 11:24
Dear Chez,
Thank you for reading and responding to this piece. It was a hard subject to write upon, but in doing so I have expressed and purged some demons. I hope my working on it doesn't change your opinion for the worse. Thanks again, and it is very nice to meet you!
always, eddy (& cat)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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author commentHooded Stranger
Sun, 2011-05-01 18:49
Cat
Cat,
you already know my comments on this one, but I see you have made some changes since my first early read. The changes work really well and I like the "Then" & "Now" sections too.
I know this was a tough write, but as usual you took it in your stride and delivered a killer punch.
regards,
HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-05-03 10:23
HI Bro!
Thank you for being my sounding board on this piece. It is comforting to know I can count on you for support. Thank you for stopping by my page and commenting, as I know how busy you are and have been.
love, Sis
*
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