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LATE WINTER WIND
Leaves playing tag in the cold wind
as they sprint across the ground
while winter nears its chilly end
last blast ere spring comes around
In airish skies cirrus clouds race
foretelling storms now on their way
often dimming the sun's winter face
on this brisk and blustery day
Shoulders hunch and ears grow cold
eyes squint against the swirling dust
lofted by a breeze grown bold
interspersed by howling gusts
The few birds which choose to fly
dip and swerve on waves of air
which break through tumultuous sky
which has laid the trees all bare
Golden sedge fields are in motion
shaking off the morning dew
tossed about like a dry ocean
I love days like this, don't you
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Tue, 2011-03-01 18:10
wind
thanks Rosi. What aggravates me is not knowing why it posted twice lol..............stan
scribbler
Tue, 2011-03-01 18:12
wind
I've tried it both ways and will let it cook a while before editing. Thanks for visiting...............stan
Geezer
Wed, 2011-03-02 01:12
You need...
to take away one syllable from the line; 4.1~ The last blast, ere Spring time comes [ 'round ]?
Then there is a need to add two syllables to line: 3.2 ~ Often dimming the sun's [frosty] face? In view of the season, and the coming storms. Nothing else to add. It was very visual, as always, ~ Gee
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scribbler
Wed, 2011-03-02 07:20
hello Geez
Thanks Geez, for the comment and suggestions...............stan
scribbler
Wed, 2011-03-02 07:23
hi Shirley
We generally get at least one more snow before March is over. We are having a false spring right now with everything blooming and budding. I fear most will be nipped by a freeze.....................stan
Roscoe Lane
Wed, 2011-03-02 08:26
Yes i do,
Yes i do love days like this, blows all the cobwebs off and keeps you moving. Your discription is a joy in itself, great peice of poetry. Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
scribbler
Wed, 2011-03-02 12:09
hi Roscoe
I expect folks who live in Kansas and other places where the wind blows constantly write poetry about calm days lol..........scribbler