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Achilles Heel

Submitted by Apostolos "Paul... on Sat, 2011-02-26 19:03

In these days of darkness
The dose of faith comes from within

I put all my wishes in a hope chest
Only to find dusty cobwebs
Long held in this cold and dreaded prison
With the gates unlocked
My foolish heart wouldn’t let me pass

I kept in this rage for so long
Suddenly the volcano in my chest exploded
Evacuating the city of innocence
Leaving me orphaned on unknown roads

My heart beats like military drums marching into battle
As my rage rummages through cities like tanks
I blinded the rooster that crows at dawn
Finally my dream takes center stage

That is when I raised an army of words
Filled with passion as their maker
Making their blank page
A seed, child and savior
One that comes off like a slave
To out wits his barbarous master

He’s granted the fruit of immortality
As he readies himself for battle
Drawing his words as flames flash from his stare
He challenges his opponent to find his Achilles heel

Style / type: 
Free verse
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

amalzamani

Mon, 2011-02-28 03:41

If you capitalize the Monopoly words, its language will be visible to the reader

Ex: Monopoly board of life, pass Go, stuck in Prison

My fav.?

when I raised an army of words
My soldiers are immortal on these pages

Better title?

If You Want A Challenge

Enjoyable one…thank you Paul

amalzamani

Fri, 2011-03-04 02:43

the scenes are homogeneous and there is smooth ascending acceleration of emotions towards the crescendo @ the end...well done

now do the same to the title :)

weirdelf

Thu, 2012-06-07 04:20

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from a try hard poet to a true poet

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Geezer

Sat, 2021-01-16 21:08

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I think that you have deviated from the first person in this last stanza.
To get back to it; this is how I would do it:

I looked for my wishes in the hope chest
[Just] to find only cobwebs

I [was] kept in this rage for so long

My heat [rolls] through the city like a tank

[I've] blinded the rooster that crows at dawn

[Marking] the blank page

To [outwit] his [barbarian] master

[I'm] granted the fruit of immortality
As [I] ready myself for battle
Drawing on words as flames flash from my gaze
I challenge my opponent to find my Achilles heel

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