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I Was...

Ghosts of who we were
Strength made from our yesterdays
Where our memories are blurred

Left to our own devices
We fabricate gracefully
Making truth work harder still

Living longest I can kneel
At the altar then
And no one can deny me

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
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What did you think of my title?
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is close. I visited a friend at the hospital yesterday, and in the remembering of old times, we counted off the friends that we have outlived. After leaving, I realised that there were variances in our recollections, and in what seems to be a universal mind-set, we always seem to like the person more than when they were alive. LOL The last verse was intended to show that having outlived the others, I could write our history any way that I liked, and there would be none who could dispute what I "remembered". Love ya, ~ Gee

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author comment

Ghosts of once were. Well I know the feeling. Find no fault...............scribbler

that someone could relate to this poem. Of course, sooner or later, everyone will relate to it. I'm sure that if you looked hard enough, you could find something to criticise. But I'm happy that you didn't find something right away. LOL Thanks, ~ Gee

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author comment

I have to say at first this one threw me. If I'm right it's about the truth of our lives being fabricated and blurred to our advantage.

The first stanza reads a little awkward. Pay more attention to the rhythmic flow of your consonants and syllables and use your normal voice. Let the content carry the piece.

B

Hi Sir Gee, aren't we ghosts of who we are...the strength taken from yesterday's memories? A slight variation on your theme for me.

~A

Ghosts of what we were.
Strength made from our yesterdays,
where our memories are blurred

Left to our own devices,
We fabricate gracefully
Making truth work harder still

Yes, you are right about the fabrication and blurring. ~ Gee

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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

looking at the past through rose tinted glasses maybe.
the opening lines are my fav, the ending I thought could
be stronger but that's just me , have a good weekend ,,,,,,,,,,,ziggy

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

It really was about remembering things as we have liked them to be, rather than the way they were. The ending is supposed to represent; that if one lives longer than anyone who was involved, you can remember the incident any way you want, and there is no one to dispute you. Thanks for the read, ~ Gee

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author comment

It amazes me, that I am still alive when so many of my friends are gone. I've often thought, that the reason that I have never been lucky at gambling, is because I've used up all my luck staying alive. LOL I have stared death in the face many times over the years, and managed to stay out of it's grasp. Three motorcycle accidents, two auto, and numerous other occasions when I was stupid. I do carry all those who have passed before me, in my memories. I have many pictures of people whom I saw just days or even moments before their demise. Makes you wonder sometimes, if there isn't something to having a fate to fulfill. Thanks for the read, and comment, ~ Gee

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author comment

I must be the envy of a cat. LOL. Not only have had the closeness of death in those respects, but also in having had Measles, Chicken pox, Scarlet fever, Mumps and Pneumonia. Yes, I have led a charmed life. There must be a reason, for my living, or the odds of my survival have far exceeded what should be. Strange, the feeling of someone dying, when they seem to be in good health. It may be that there are subtle signs, that only certain people might see. Being so close to your mum, might have just been that you saw something that was out of line with her, that no one else could see. Thanks for the read, ~ Gee

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author comment

Living longest I can kneel
At the altar then
And no one can deny me

This puts me in mind of my oldest sister who remembers things the way they were not. Even the events she wasn't there for! Denial is a great and terrible tool!

love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

you have gotten the theme of the poem perfectly. Yes, if you outlive everyone else, you can make up your own version of what happened, and no one can say different. Thanks, ~ love ya, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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author comment

I know how you feel. I have only ONE friend! the others are not around or are just aquaintesses. Being alone with no shoulder to lean on when time of need is there.
I have and still are walking in my yesterday's foot prints. A very nice poem. If we had stars I would give you 5 stars. Thanks for the great read. Read you later.

Friends,

Pixee

the stars. I am very fortunate to have lots of friends still alive, and I try, not only to have friends, but to be one too. Sometimes, I wish that I could see some of my departed friends one more time, so that I could tell them how much they meant to me. Never miss the chance to tell someone that you love them, or how much their friendship means to you. You don't always have to say it, but just let them know, by the way you treat them. I'm sure that you have many more friends than you realise. You sound like a very nice person, and I think that people see that, and respond to it. Thanks for the read, ~ friends, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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author comment

I actually really like the last stanza
Not sure why, tho.
Thx 4 sharing.

-..- -..- -..- -..- -..- -..-
Xtremely busy Xponentially becoming Xcellently at Xactly _____

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