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SENTINEL
Afraid
alone at night
so far from home.......
Buried
.....by darkness
......by isolation
.......in a strange culture
........by hatred unearned
I came to save you
who would now kill me
I came to liberate them
.those who won't even meet my eyes
Yet here I stay
a stalwart against tyranny
..and radicals
...mad anarchists
....false believers
Afraid, brave,confused,alone...steadfast
Soldier
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
Work deadline met. I'm baaaack lol
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
weirdelf
Fri, 2011-02-25 02:17
I appreciate the sentiment.
and I have had the experience of talking to young, idealistic marines who just can't understand why they are hated so much, I truly felt for them.
But you can't leave politics out of this poem. American Foreign Intervention has been most unwelcome and unwanted a lot. I won't try to put a percentage on it. The USA is not the World's police, and when they do do it it is often from greed for resources, not overthrow of tyranny.
I had to say that, and you can hate me for it, but believe me, I do feel for the soldier you write so eloquently of,
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Fri, 2011-02-25 09:51
hello Jess
This was for Any soldier who finds himself far from home. Could well be a soldier from Iran guarding Iranian embassy in New York. We all have a right to our opinions and it is rare that I hate somebody for theirs.................scribbler
author commentcrypticbard
Fri, 2011-02-25 02:51
at the soldier's level
(grass roots) this is almost always true. But higher up the ladder...
that is were ideals and ideology come to grief. In the end, this
steadfast (non-tin) soldier is but a pawn of a much more complex scheme.
I suppose this is why both society and the veterans of Vietnam (just to name one)
have been disillusioned and have grown to mistrust governments and their methods.
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
weirdelf
Fri, 2011-02-25 03:56
only replying to your signature
my excuse is Peter Pan complex, I never grew up much!
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Fri, 2011-02-25 09:55
hello
wouldn't it be great if a government, any government, knew that upon voting to send troops to war a percentage of the ones voting for war would have to fight also ?.................scribbler
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2011-02-25 10:28
Amerians would hate this.
But we have compulsory voting in Australia. I imagine if all the disenfranchised voted. It would be a very different country.
but maybe not so much, we still have only two virtually indistinguishable parties to vote for apart from the Greens which are rapidly gaining power.
and the Greens would never send anyone to war. They would use the military money for social welfare.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Fri, 2011-02-25 10:38
What ?
You get thrown in jail for Not voting? It has been far too long since I voted For anybody. It seems I am reduced to voting against the lesser of two evils. I still await our generation's great leader but fear the political process has evolved into something that drives good men away..........stan
author commentcrypticbard
Sat, 2011-02-26 01:28
Yep
a fine and a jail term if you don't successfully defend your absence at the polling booth on the said day.
It kind of makes you take a stand, cop it in the chin, and move one. Democracy has nuances in all its
forms around the globe.
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
scribbler
Fri, 2011-02-25 10:02
hello Shirley
It is unfortunate that some wars must be fought. When we Must go to war we should do so with such ferocity as to make others think twice before bringing it upon themselves. I had never heard of restrictions on soldiers' viewing activities and appreciate your bringing it up. I had my father, brother, and brother-in-law all in military and had not heard of this in American troops.Appreciate, as always, your dropping in.........stan
author commentPixee
Fri, 2011-02-25 09:24
Long time
Hey scribbler, long time no see. I loved your poem. I think there are a lot of soldiers then and now would agree with you. It is a good read my friend. Keep on writing.
Quote: Poetry is the living soul of the writer.
by Pixee
Friends,
Pixee
scribbler
Fri, 2011-02-25 10:05
hi Pixee
Work kept me away for a few days but deadline has been met. I am glad you enjoyed this venture into free verse ( not my usual form)............scribbler
author commentKailashana2
Fri, 2011-02-25 09:59
This is good, Stan, however,
This is good, Stan, however, I wish you would put a little more of yourself into it. Your heart and soul, so to speak.
~A
scribbler
Fri, 2011-02-25 10:12
hi Anna
I was striving for 3 things here : !st brevity ( I know my writes tend toward length) 2nd universal application so that the soldier could be from anywhere. 3rd to show that the common soldier is far from being a Rambo. I'm sorry to disappoint you by not having more heart in it but to do so would have probably been impossible considering the guidelines I set myself and my lack of free verse skills.............stan PS I am working on a soldier in battle poem that may be more to your liking
author commentcrypticbard
Sat, 2011-02-26 05:41
checklist
Brevity (tick mark)
Universality (tick mark)
Non-Rambonness (tick mark)
Looks like success from the the criteria that you put this poem against.
I suppose my previous comment has indirectly concurred with this ticklist.
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
Kailashana2
Sat, 2011-02-26 06:08
You have definitely stayed
You have definitely stayed true to your checklist.
However, as I know you're not a connoisseur of much poetry (to this you have admitted). Have you thought to look at real soldier's poetry? There's many poetry books written by Gulf vets.
Here's a youtube of one reading. (in rhyme) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3Bg5RvOwG4
More on the subject. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5126583
scribbler
Sat, 2011-02-26 07:45
hello anna
thank you for the reference. I write mainly what I know and can only try to put myself in situations I don't know.baby steps I guess lol...........stan
author commentRace_9togo
Sat, 2011-02-26 01:54
Hey Stan,
I enjoy this one a lot.
I questioned the "I'm here to liberate you" thing...until I realized that in fact that this IS what most soldiers sincerely believe, when warring in a foreign land.
I don't think the politics of it need be mentioned. Politics is irrelevant to a soldier, once a soldier has been given his or her orders.
An excellent write.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
scribbler
Sat, 2011-02-26 07:47
hi Jim
I have read that soldiers go to war for their country, but fight for their buddies. Glad you liked this.............stan
author commentscribbler
Sat, 2011-02-26 07:52
hi Rosi
I had voted in every presidential election until the last one. I therefore feel a bit responsible for allowing the fool who is our president to come to office. I'll be glad when site allows full use of form punctuation as having to put...........in order to indent writes is a bit awkward. Always good to see you visit..............stan
author commentloved
Sat, 2011-02-26 09:00
HELLO SCRIBBLER, SIR!
You should change
To a more intelligent
Or
Dignified
Knowledgeable name.
I nearly thought
You were calling at me
Rest poetry nuances
Experts have given
I’m still having
Teething problems
Oh what poetry!
loved
scribbler
Sat, 2011-02-26 10:11
hi loved
Guess I'll keep pen name for truth in advertising lol.I get one close to right every so often, but usually not the ones I think...............scribbler
author commentpleiades
Sat, 2011-02-26 09:26
if it was your intent, i
if it was your intent, i think you've captured
and expressed very well, some thoughts
that must go through soldier's minds at
certain times of their tours of duty
reading this, i didn't feel caught
up in the reasonings and excuses for
war, but rather, i felt wholly for that un-named
soldier who finds himself in a place /situation
that nobody should be in
not having read freeverse from you before,
i am impressed with this
i like the structure, and kudos
for injecting the emotion in it
that you have
i felt it
cheers
p
scribbler
Sat, 2011-02-26 10:16
greetings mate
I try to attempt a free verse about once a week just to stretch. I am about to submit another I co-wrote with Shirley today. I am glad you caught the non political bent to this and as always glad you came by...........scribbler
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