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A Slight Contrast
When I wake up
The sunlight’s hands reaching into my eyes
Divinity, you were a goddess I contained
We wash our pasts with the memories we regret
Skewed versions of what we want to believe
Take me far from here, to a place without fear
I welcome the change
When I fall asleep
The moon looking at me, pulling my eyes closed
Royalty, you were a peasant I adored
We cleaned our futures with dreams we forget
Altered visions of a world we will never see
Let me sleep right here, drift to a place with tears
I welcome the river.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
raj
Mon, 2011-02-21 14:11
i could feel the contrasting
i could feel the contrasting emotions so very well scripted here...a pleasure read for me..
the title of the poem really sits very wekk here with the theme...
raj (sublime_ocean)
weirdelf
Tue, 2011-02-22 00:36
the last line made the poem
you know I have an antipathy to love poems but this was honest,
the line
Divinity, you were a goddess I contained [is either pretentious or self effacing, not sure which]
But to bo perfectly honest, it adds nothing to the genre of love poetry, Not your fault. It is just a genre that has been done to death.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
washing tears
Tue, 2011-02-22 15:10
jess, it wasnt meant as a
jess, it wasnt meant as a love poem, however i can see where it came off as that. it was meant as a contrast from being awake and dreaming, wants and gets, a dream looking in the mirror and seeing life, as life looks in the mirror and sees the dream.
thank you for your time friend.
-with what love could be...
Washing Tears
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2011-02-22 09:43
oops
repeated post
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry