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CHORE
It's time I check the spring pasture
during this rare late winter thaw
beneath bright skies of deep azure.
I'll walk there by way of the draw.
The usual crop of winter stones
which earth has pushed above the grass,
white quartz shining like old bones.
I'll gather up some as I pass.
They'll add to a stone walls girth
or outline the clear spring's source.
Of rocks there never is a dearth.
It will take some work, of course.
Next is time to walk the fence
to check for sags and broken wire
especially where the woods are dense
and across the boggy mire.
With luck I'll find that all is well
and not for too long be away;
just a walk among the dell.
I'll be home by end of day.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Candlewitch
Mon, 2011-01-31 11:53
Dear Scribbler,
I don't think the title does justice to the piece. Other than that I wouldn't change a word of it. Thank you for the lovely pictures in my head as I made the rounds with you!
The usual crop of winter stones
which earth has pushed above the grass
white quartz shining like old bones
I'll gather some up as I pass
They'll add to a stone walls girth
perhaps outline the clear spring's source
of rocks there never is a dearth
it'll take some work of course
Absolutely splendid!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
scribbler
Mon, 2011-01-31 16:48
chore
always a treat to see you here. I am pleased you enjoyed this ..........................scribbler
scribbler
Mon, 2011-01-31 16:51
hellooo shirl
I think you misspelled seedy poetry lol. I was not sure I had a style, but am always glad to see you.................stan
scribbler
Mon, 2011-01-31 16:55
greetings Rosi
I was sitting here thinking of the days when I had a few cattle and how this was about the time of year I'd clear stones from the pasture and check and repair fences from winters wear. At that age very few things seemed to be work lol................stan
mand
Tue, 2011-02-01 05:15
Hi Stan
It's always a pleasure to be taken along the pastures of your muse. I thorouhgly enjoyed the journey with you.
Thank you for sharing Stan.
Love Mand xxxxx
scribbler
Tue, 2011-02-01 08:31
chore
there was a time when most could not keep up. Now I find myself being passed in my strolls by turtles lol. Thanks for coming by.............stan PS who is your company?
smilecatcher
Wed, 2011-02-02 09:46
chore
Hi scribbler,
I loved being guided through your pastures since my life is being lived in the city,
smilecatcher
scribbler
Wed, 2011-02-02 11:40
chore
I spent the 1st. 11 yrs. of my life in cities such as Memphis and San Diego. It was enough to make me appreciate living in a rural setting to this day. I am always pleased to see a new name pop up on my page................scribbler
Kailashana2
Wed, 2011-02-02 10:12
I like the feel of this poem,
I like the feel of this poem, though I agree the title doesn't do justice. Maybe I'll have a suggestion.
First line in stanza 4 I think could be improved; I'm not sure how.
Now I know where your *grounding* comes from, Stan....you're a man of the earth.
~A
scribbler
Wed, 2011-02-02 11:44
hello anna
How about "next is time to walk the fence" ?. So I'm a dirty old guy huh lol....................stan