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Depersonalizing *Personal* Attacks

Let's define what a personal attack is first.

1. Is it something that hits *home* with a sledgehammer truth...and we'd rather not *hear* it?
2. Is a personal attack a veiled or overt reference to our physical, mental, emotional being in a way that always pushes our buttons? Something that is too personal, like characteristics of our weight, age, intelligence, abilities, disabilities?
3. Is there really a *person* to be attacked, or are we fully the thoughts we have about ourselves and each other?

Thinking through those questions, being absolutely honest in one's answer will be the first
step in assuaging *personal attacks*, which is never about the *person* but always about their attackers' *perceptions* of the person on the receiving end of an *attack*. Often mirroring an unresolved fear or jealousy, or at least, an unexamined shadow side.

If one deconstructs personal attacks, looks at it carefully, the attack is nonexistent unless someone deems it so; like curses originating from one's homeland. It is never as brutal to a *foreigner* as much as a *native*. Nor as funny.

~A

I will be continuing this thread. All are welcome to present their thoughts without modification.

Comments

Hence the problem, JC. For some a simple word can devolve into a *I hate you and I'm taking my marbles with me*. Poets are notorious for having emotions. lol.

Developing thicker skins, especially in light of *abuse* we have experienced in the past, I think, makes
us better people and as a result better poets.

For women sometimes it takes a *warrior* stance; for men it often takes a *nurturing* stance. Who knows since what we're trying to do is to balance the polarities of our humanness and our interaction as humans.

~A

author comment

Thank you Ian.

It is absolutely true that we need a sanctuary from the *real world* where *hurt happens*. However, we're not going to find it on any poetry site.

It's here in our heart of hearts or nowhere.

I once belonged to 80 or so groups (in the heyday of yahoo groups) and had interactions with all of them on a daily basis and worked full time, read poetry, wrote poetry, and interacted with friends, family, peace organizations, etc. To say that I didn't experience those who pushed my buttons and that my own buttons were not pushed in dealing with prejudice, injustice and plain ignorance would be untrue.

However, it depends on what are personal agenda is. Yes, we are humans and we have our desires and aversions, lessons we have learned and lessons we have yet to learn.

Sometimes it takes an open mind and open heart not to be focused only on ourselves.

That's an important thought to think about. Total fixation on oneself is not a healthy thing. Nor is total fixation on an *other*.

~A

author comment

I have learned that an attack is not about me it is the about the attackers fear. most time it's something said in truth, as you said strikes home for them. To me nothing a person might say can hurt me for they truly do not know me as i know myself. That's where it lies that we as indivituals know ourselves.

I very good write going to the heart of it.

Eddie

"The softest things in the world overcome the hardest things in the world.
Through this I know the advantage of taking no action." Lao Tzu

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

I am a strong believer in the old adage "Sticks and stones may break my bones..etc." I also enjoy crossing verbal swords with my friends and honing the art of the well-turned insult E.G."that's a nice suit you have, pity they didn't have it in your size." The priority is that if the recipient is upset then the perpetrator is at fault and must apologise, normally the recipient comes back with a killer finish; "You are really getting so fat!" "Yes, I know, Every time I sleep with your wife she gives me a Mars Bar"

Regards

Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

Thank you for taking it to *insult* level of *attainment*, Ian. lol.

I so enjoy crossing swords with folks. A verbal skills match-up on an intellectual 4 dimensional game of chess, so to speak. In my (highly esteemed opinion) it is life as good as it gets. For pure *enjoyment*, without all the devolving into unskilled confrontation, avoidance and reactionary behaviour.

http://memory-beta.wikia.com/wiki/Four-dimensional_chess

Part of it is that I've always gotten along better with men, and *mature* women, ....I've accepted that.. When I was a kid, I enjoyed the interaction with intelligent and aware adults rather than most kids.

This is what makes us unique individuals. What and who we enjoy, who we allow into our circle of friends and who we keep at arm's length.

Thanks for your input Sir Chanter.

~A

author comment

It is simple to define what a personal attack is. It is any action or words delivered in a manner that results in harm either physical or emotional. In context of this site the words must be in reference to person rather than poem. One can say "Your poem would smell better covered with shit than it does now" and be within bounds. But then to say "You should never have been born" is an attack. These are just examples and not directed at anybody.........................stan

And here is where it gets *tricky*, Stan. So what, if you say to me *You should never have been born*. I am and have been born. (I realize this is just an aspect of *THIS* particular argument.)

It's my own prevailing attitude I must address.

And I reiterate at the risk of sounding like a broken record... if I don't take your personal attack as a *personal attack*, is a personal attack *made*?

~A

author comment

And if a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it, does it still make a sound? Have you been taking too many philosophy courses ? lol. If I get shot by a bullet and choose to ignore it am I still not wounded? NEXT! lmao......stan

No darling, I haven't but I know when an apple is an apple, and an orange is an orange, never mix the two
up philosophically, though I love them juiced, along with other fruit.

NEXT!

~A

author comment

One time when I was a jury foreman we dealt with a personal injury case. During the trial we were introduced to the"eggshell skull" legal principal. It states that there may be a person whose skull is freakishly thin and delicate. If somebody, even in play or by accident, taps him lightly on the skull and breaks his skull, it does not matter that skull was thin only that damage was done. We here on site can not tell how thin everybody's skull might be. So it behooves us to use care in selecting how we deal with others on site. You can likely call me anything you please and it will seldom bother me. But not all here have my thick skull and skin.......stan NEXT! lol

Point taken. And I suspect that one need not ask for one's medical records in a poetry group or that one with *eggshell/thin skull syndrome* does not engage in playing touch or professional football.

One would hope so.

;-)

~A

author comment

This is why I take care in responses. Even though the raw truth option may be marked, there is really no way of knowing if the poet might be more vulnerable than they let on. Now I'll shut my mouth and let others tell me how wrong I am.....................stan PS Listen for explosion from down south. It will be my head exploding from pressure of keeping quiet lol

For the Southern man in all of us.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-Te97ZKgtw

~A

p.s. Love.

author comment

I plagiarise this gem. "If a man makes a statement and no woman hears it - is he still wrong?"

Regards

Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

I resemble that remark. ;-)

~A

author comment

All this phycological and philosophical mumbo jumbo aside, we are not here to attack anyone or anything, there's no excuse for it. We are here to improve our poetry and enjoy others work. If you want to spa with someone a critique is not the place.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

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