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The way we felt.
As your eccense surrounds me,
It slowly draws me near.
As I try to pull away,
All I can hear.
Is the terrified screams,
Muffled by the dreams.
Of what we could be,
Slowly as we fade away.
Longing to be together,
We will never feel the way.
That we felt with each other.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Candlewitch
Mon, 2012-06-11 11:16
Hello Courtney,
Once again I would like to welcome you to Neo Poet. Your first posted poem is an attention grabber. The title describes the contents of the poem. Emotions are well expressed with vivid word usage.
One suggestion: "eccense" do you mean essence?
I enjoyed your first poem posted here, especially these lines:
All I can hear.
Is the terrified screams,
Muffled by the dreams.
Of what we could be,
Slowly as we fade away.
always, Cat
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