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Of Passion and Desire!
High the mark we strive for
driven by dersire.
Palsied by the nuance
of the holy fire.
Driven to our knees
while trying to aspire.
The love there taken yesterday
we try to reacquire.
Never do we wander
nor languish in the mire.
Visions of tommorow
we clutch and then devour.
Falling into Autumn leaves
make love as we perspire!
Given to our passion
at length we will retire.
Our beds were never burning
nature was required.
Your voice I hear returning,
your presence was required!
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
A poem of passion. I hope you like!
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
South Ogden, Utah
Favorite Poets
Jon Anderson, Jon Ondrasik, Donald Fagen, Sting, Eric Bloom, and all of the poets at neo.
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Comments
Candlewitch
Sun, 2024-09-22 10:46
Dear Leslie,
your poems, all seem to have just streamed easily from your heart and soul, to the tip of your pen! they feel effortless... I have always admired that about you! The lines I like best, are:
Falling into Autumn leaves
make love as we perspire!
Given to our passion
at length we wil retire. (add another "L" to wil)
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Leslie
Sun, 2024-09-22 11:13
Of Passion and Desire!
Thanks so much, you always say the kindest things.
Life is not tragedy although sometimes painful. Experience yields its bittersweet fruit!
author commentGeezer
Sun, 2024-09-22 11:04
Hmmmm...
Puts me in mind of the time when... Uhm... never mind. I was drawn into that scene. Nicely done sir. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Leslie
Sun, 2024-09-22 11:17
G
Thank you Sir I appreciate your comment very much. It is always good when you arrive. Have a wonderful day!
Life is not tragedy although sometimes painful. Experience yields its bittersweet fruit!
author commentLavender
Sun, 2024-09-22 16:59
Of Passion and Desire
Hello, Leslie,
I feel both the passion, and the desire here. I might suggest flipping the final two stanzas. Very nice!
Thank you!
L
Leslie
Mon, 2024-09-23 01:18
L
That is a really good idea, but I saved it to my google docs before changing it and now I don't think that it will be accepted! I'll try to change it later. I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for reading.
Life is not tragedy although sometimes painful. Experience yields its bittersweet fruit!
author commentkowque
Sun, 2024-09-22 20:13
Hmmm
Alot to unpack
Thank you for sharing :)
Koki
Leslie
Mon, 2024-09-23 01:25
Kowque
Hi I hope that you liked it, but maybe I'm a little naieve. I don't really know what you meant. sorry so stupid.
Life is not tragedy although sometimes painful. Experience yields its bittersweet fruit!
author commentkowque
Mon, 2024-09-23 21:02
I read
Alot of techniques woven together
I'm not bright enough to piece it all together
But, I can appreciate the piece nonetheless
And enjoy it.
Koki