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Dear Self

Submitted by Apostolos "Paul... on Fri, 2023-03-17 18:12

Dear Self, take a seat.
Please read this.
Before you announce defeat

I know you’re going through hell.
There is no doctor for this.
No pill they could possibly sell.

Surender not your cup of tea
you wear boxing gloves
As you start punching me

I understand your heart is breaking.
You see a coward.
I see a hero in the making.

You walked though flames.
As you start calling
Me weak names

I am perplexed.
Do I hug you
Or do I wait
For what is next

What must I do?
Heavenly father
I give up
Maybe he will listen to you

I want to shut your eyes
As I erase the lies
To show you
As I scream surprise

You are still standing
In a war where your blood
The enemy is demanding

Take a moment
And that pride
Don’t rent it
I want you to own it

Let the enemy see
The nervous one
That wrestles anxiety

Be proud
If silence had a voice
It would say it out loud

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Apostolos "Paul...

Fri, 2023-03-17 23:23

Thank You

for stopping by

author comment

Geezer

Fri, 2023-03-17 23:49

My favorite lines...

are the end.

"Be proud
If silence had a voice
it would say it out loud". ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Apostolos "Paul...

Fri, 2023-03-17 23:53

Thank you

For stopping by

author comment

RoseBlack

Sat, 2023-03-18 08:34

Fantastic poem

Well done!

~RoseBlack~

andrew

Sat, 2023-03-18 17:28

Computer critique

As an experiment, we are using a leading large language model (in other words, AI) to provide critiques of poems that were posted recently. Please let us know what you think.

Computer critique:

"Dear Self" is a free verse poem that addresses themes of self-encouragement, resilience, and overcoming personal struggles. The poem takes the form of a conversation between the author and their inner self, exploring the conflicting emotions and thoughts experienced during times of hardship.

The language used in the poem is conversational and personal, effectively capturing the intimate nature of the dialogue between the author and their self. Phrases like "I know you're going through hell" and "I understand your heart is breaking" convey empathy and understanding, while lines like "I see a hero in the making" and "You are still standing" provide a sense of hope and motivation.

The poem's structure works well to reflect the back-and-forth nature of the conversation, with each stanza alternating between expressions of doubt, frustration, and encouragement. The use of line breaks and varying stanza lengths helps to create a sense of tension and urgency, which adds to the poem's emotional impact.

The poem's ending lines, "If silence had a voice / It would say it out loud," effectively encapsulate the theme of inner strength and resilience. This powerful ending leaves the reader with a sense of hope and motivation, emphasizing the importance of embracing one's own courage and perseverance.

In terms of improvement, consider refining the punctuation and capitalization throughout the poem to create a more polished reading experience. Additionally, a few lines could benefit from slight rephrasing to improve clarity and flow.

In conclusion, "Dear Self" is an engaging and emotional free verse poem that effectively explores themes of self-encouragement, resilience, and personal struggle. The conversational language and alternating structure work well to capture the intimate nature of the dialogue, while the powerful ending leaves the reader with a sense of hope and motivation. With some minor refinements to punctuation and phrasing, this poem has the potential to resonate deeply with readers who have faced similar internal battles.

Neopoet

Dear Self