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NATURE UNMASKED!

It was a narrow gate
through which you must pass
full of dead men’s bones!
broken glass
and though it wasn’t fate
the die had been cast
you made your way along
seeking something there
for something that would last
your life would be short,
but now just in sight
you had to find something, anything
head straight for the light
the path was rugged, lonely and dark
but, for reasons unknown
you felt that you’d be alright
your first intentions were clean
and undefiled
but as time moved forward
you lost track of the inner child
bereaved and confused
you asked the Lord why?
but with time and experience
came His timely reply
you found that the drama
that weighed so heavily on your mind
would cause you without knowing
to willfully comply
you knew then that you must learn
to control your natural desires
or face the consequences
that justice might require
in the end you prayed
with all your might
for grace to intercede
or surely you would die,
but persevering found in Jesus
your own little light!
whatever it is we think we might want
aim before you shoot,
because if you don’t
someone else
always holds the gun!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I think that this is best read by those of my faith. In any event it applies to everyone. What I wonder right now is if holding a gun is too strong of a term?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

If anyone reads this please tell me how well the word gun applies? Thanks!

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

author comment

Thank you for your comment. It's good to be accepted and validated. You are kind.

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

author comment

Thank you for your comment. It's good to be accepted and validated. You are kind.

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

author comment

They’re more archaic and more human. Metaphorically I can relate to that symbol more so than a gun, especially in the context of this poem which highlights your beliefs in a 2000 year old godhead. I guess Christian symbolism and firearms clash to my sense of aesthetic. I Like the rest of the poem.

Tim

It's perfectly logical to use arrow in place of gun, however I was using the symbol of a gun to represent something that
the audience I was trying to reach could relate to. It's supposed to be more educational than aesthetically pleasing. Your comment was taken in good spirits and I am glad that I was able to share. Great idea though! I han't thought that deeply about it.

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

author comment
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