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Illusive Presence

Spector
Soulless eyes that
Pull at my heart strings yet
Sends endless shivers down my spine
Ghastly

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
Cinquain
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Your poetry has grown at such an astounding rate, I feel privileged to see that and this poem gives me shivers for real, you've conveyed that atmosphere with such ease and with so little.

Brava!

love and hugs Jayne

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

I think I am getting the hang of cinquain. I am kind of enjoying the challenge of finding just the right words and syllables. Thank you for such high praise and as always your comment.

~RoseBlack~

author comment

You can see everything in their eyes...

~RoseBlack~

author comment

I suggest you try substituting the word (Ghastly) for the word: Ghostly. I think it has more of a punch to it. also you should tell what style/category your poem is, in your *readers notes. haveing said that; I think your poem is brilliant!

*ever, eddy
& Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you for the suggestions. I am finding I like the challenge of a cinquain. I will have to start trying other forms as well.

~RoseBlack~

author comment

I will have to look it up and maybe try one myself! tell me, is it as easy as you have made it look?

*ever, eddy
*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

It was a challenge for me but after the first one, much easier. It's five lines 2 4 6 8 and 2 syllables and the last line has to be in relation to the first. I use a syllable counter mark suggested.

~RoseBlack~

author comment

thank you for the explanation and information. what is a syllable counter and where do you find it?

*ever eddy
*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

You can actually write your whole piece and copy it when you are finished.
https://syllablecounter.net/

~RoseBlack~

author comment

I really like this! I have a couple of other things I want to try, but I will move this type/style of poetry to a more prominent place.
Still not number one, but surely close. Thank you for a great example! I have gained a great deal of respect for your awareness of new forms to explore. Great job! ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I have been inspired by many on the site and decided to experiment. I am hoping to move on to some more complex styles but I am enjoying this one right now. It challenges me to come up with different words to fit the criteria. But there are many forms and styles that have peaked my interest and I think make a bigger impact than the usual word vomit I create.

~RoseBlack~

author comment

I enjoyed your poem. I think it makes me want to try the cinquain.

I use a syllable counter. You can write your whole poem in it and then copy and paste.

~RoseBlack~

author comment

Lot of great writing coming from you these past few weeks. Excellent wording choices.

Tim

That syllable counter is awesome. It forces me to find other words and results in some pretty good stuff.

~RoseBlack~

author comment
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