Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
FIWYHWIWU
It felt like you were
like when i paused a minute
between awareness and eyes open
i was sure you could have been
i want to wake up before you
and let the dog out
and return with coffee
and carrot cake
i want to see the look in your eyes
when you wake up
i want to take a blade
to the last tenuous sinew
that has me gleefully teetering
over a life spent falling into you
tear me to ribbons and wrap me up
like a gift that's yours to open
over coffee and
carrot cake and
sleeping in and
making love and
fucking
to the edge of all breath and back
Together
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Seren
Sun, 2023-01-22 00:12
Dear IO
Given context of the relationship between this poem and the other I would leave fuck, it fits right once the reader knows what the title means, fucking doesn't have to be a bad thing, passion takes over and yeah that's just me.
I am going to play with those first three lines in my head this afternoon, there is something that doesn't feel right...
I have to say I adore this poem, other than changing the title to give *fuck* context & those first three lines its brilliant!!!
hugs JC
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Seren
Sun, 2023-01-22 17:42
Dear Mark
I'm sorry if my comment offended. Since I hadn't been here very much in these last seven or eight years, no one had pointed that out. Glad you did. I will keep in my lane from here on out.
Cheers Jayne
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Seren
Sun, 2023-01-22 17:46
I will reread the site rules
I will reread the site rules when I'm around next time, it seems I am out of touch. A public reprimand seems to be the way of things now.
I feel thoroughly chastised.
Cheers for that! Jayne
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Candlewitch
Sun, 2023-01-22 16:26
dear IO,
these are my favorite lines:
i want to see the look in your eyes
when you wake up
i want to take a blade
to the last tenuous sinew
that has me gleefully teetering
over a life spent falling into you
I think you should know that I love your poetry. it is fresh and unrestrained.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.