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Uncertain certainties

I don't live in the past
Yet it resides in me
With every tear that falls
From each triggered memory
If there's to be a future
Then you must understand
That I'll need reassurance
And an honest loving hand
I'll need for you to want me
Not just say you do
Don't just say you love me
I'll need to feel it too.
I can't deal with anger
The shouting makes me weak
I tremble and shut down
And I find it hard to speak
I'll get jealous and frustrated
I'm too patient and too kind
I won't let things go
All answers I must find
I over think, over react
And often overshare
But I will never let you down
I'll always be there
I'm humble and I'm honest
I'll never put me first
I'll come across as negative
And always fear the worst
But I don't mean to be that way
It's how my brain is wired
My body’s used to being broken
And my souls a little tired
My words are jumbled and chaotic
I often get them wrong
I say things I don't mean
When I've held onto them too long
Sometimes I repeat myself
To ensure that I am heard
It's not for a reaction
And I know it seems obsurd
I just need to know for certain
Of how you say you feel
Because I love you more
Than life itself
And can't believe its real.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

You have described the sad consequences of harmful and hurtful relationships very well. It is a long process to recover and move on. I pause with the line "I'll never put me first." There's a fine distinction between caring for others, and protecting ourselves from negativity from others. Strong language and emotion in this piece.
Thank you,
Lavender

Thank you so much x x x

author comment

There you are. So I’m not going to have any suggestions for this one. You’re a good writer with a pretty unique style. I will say that if more folks could achieve the self awareness your conveying here, communication in relationships would be a lot easier. I often write to process my feelings. Spoken words cannot be unsaid, but the writing can point out flawed thinking when you go back and read it. In short I use writing as a bit of a filter to screen out reactive emotions and reconnect with myself. This is a very affirming poem and I love it.

Nothing new to report on our song but I’m waiting patiently and you’ll get it as soon as I do. Wishing you health and happiness,

Tim

Hey Tim .... thank you so much for you lovely comments as always ... I write for very similar reasons ...its always been an emotional release of some sort ...can not wait to hear our song finished ..hope you're well and thanks again ...speak soon your creative friend across the pond ...x x

author comment

it is great to read such a lovely poem that is based in truth, honesty, and wisdom. I very much enjoyed it. good luck with your poetic future, and congratulations for your award.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thanks cat ...and everyone...can't believe that actually won .... x x x

author comment

Why not? It is a well written poem, and shares feelings that many people relate to. I don't think that a poem should have to be
soaring words and ideas, a mix of hard to pronounce words and complicated innuendos, in order to be selected for an award. You did great! I like it very much, mainly because it doesn't resort to those things. Nice job! ~ Geezer.
.

Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

Thanks so much ...really means a great deal x x

author comment

Well done!
L

Well deserved.

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