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Despair

Despair

What is wisdom, what is life, what’s the point in living when you die
Where’s the fairness, and awareness, of other people’s plight
Who’s the person, who has stolen, the above, from my hands
Why do people, play the victim, when on feet they softly land
What’s the purpose, of the liar, when it’s him who quickly falls
Who’s the mother of the other, who lies, who’s heard it all
Where’s the hand to help him, the child that she spawned
Why do people hold a grudge, to those who are in need
Where’s the justice and the trust in, a system out of reach
What’s the answer to the question, of a man who’s made a speech
Who’s the man in question, it is me, I aim to teach
Where’s the crowd I long for, the students I would meet
What’s the point in trying, when I fail repeatedly
Where is the ambition, another drinking spree
Why is it so lacking, why is it so hard
Who is there to help me, why is life so dark

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Comments

Maybe not at the moments notice but I’m reading every poem in the stream daily. Hit my inbox if you’re stuck in your own head, or anytime.

Excellent rhythm and rhyme. Excellent observations on some of the more distasteful aspects of the human condition. Lots of hard truth here. It’s a good poem.

Tim

Thanks, a kind offer, but I really must say this: I have ups and downs like everyone but really, I'm from a middle class background, have everything on a plate so it's just a poem. My life really could be worse :) Things are very hard right now, but is only a fleeting bad spell. Just seem drawn to dark poems for some reason! Even when happy.

author comment

I get that completely

Tim

as in you can relate to this? I have an alcoholic dad who is always drunk and abusive to my my mum and I but who is so rich thinks gives him a right to throw his weight around.

author comment

That’s a terrible thing to have to deal with. I can’t relate to physical abuse resulting from alcoholism. At least not that specifically but I’m do understand feeling drawn to dark poetry even tho as you said, things could be a lot worse for me. I was drunk half my life. I wasn’t abusive physically. I was abusive emotionally kind low key but definitely admit I was. I am sober now for like 7 years or something around that. I don’t miss it. I’m glad you’re aware that this behavior is not normal. You may not be able to control him but you don’t ever have to be like him.

Always around to talk,
Tim

I've only just read your poem 'worth', the winning entry. So, yes you do get the whole dark vibe! It's great. 'And they’re not all gone of course
I’ll always carry a few
A couple pretty stones in my pocket
Maybe a lead weight or two'

That is my favourite part. Sounds like it should be a song.

When you say about not missing drink, I really can't relate to that. Because it seems when I am sober for a while, I just miss it more. the longer i go without, the more i miss it. Not sure if that, for most people, would be counter intuitive or understandable

author comment

There are days. Sometimes that first warm day of outdoor work will kind of give me nostalgia. I miss the vibe of it. I don’t miss every morning being a little miserable. I don’t miss the mountains of glass bottles on the kitchen counter…

I never developed physical dependence so when my wife asked me to chill out I just quit altogether. She’s worth it and I know I’m either all in or all out. I don’t do anything halfway lest the crushing weight of self loathing and perfectionism flattens me.

As it turns out, I realized a few years into my sobriety that all those years, I wasn’t drinking; I was running. I developed a daily romance with Lagers and IPAs. I was writing music and lyrics for my band and that was sort of my outlet. Basically everything I did was under the shadow of alcohol. I was 100% functional. I was 0% happy.

With the loss of that band due to our drummer being outed to me a serial abuser of women by multiple victims which came right on the heels of Covid 19 closing all the live music venues, I had an identity crisis. I had been the “guy from Daddie Long Legs” for 17 years and now I wish I could put as much distance between myself and that as possible. Along with that went the group of 2-300 people I considered my friends. Many of them are aware of my former drummer’s issues yet continue to socialize and play in bands with him.

I’m on to other things. I’ve dedicated myself to recording the 80 or so songs I’ve written and releasing them all. My bass player is with me and I’ve got a long time friend/drummer extraordinaire who tracks from his home studio and sends me the stems. My sister and a few guys round out the backing vocal section and we are “Rosewood Apothecary”.

I’m lucky to have found this site where I have essentially written a book and a half of poetry, and had the privilege of sharing real time and getting feedback. I’ve written four songs this year from poems the members here have posted and so I’m collaborating on a new level with a new approach to songwriting. This does put a hindrance on recording the back catalogue. New stuff is always more interesting!

Anyway, that’s kinda me. Know that I don’t judge people who drink or use drugs as that would make me hypocritical to an extent I as a poet don’t immediately have a word for. You can use recreationally. Watch the physical dependence and be nice to people. Opiates are a one way street to misery and reagent testing kits are $80 on Amazon. Cocaine is mostly meth now and everything else is laced with fentanyl. I’ve lost 4-5 fellow musicians to fentanyl overdose in the last few years. They were doing lines of “coke”.

Yours in vulnerability,
Tim

Wow deep stuff. I wonder if some are just predisposed to being physically dependent or it just happens if u keep drinking when drinking for emotional stability at first. Be kinda cruel to do that experiment on people (on chimps)!

It's surprising that the song on your channel on youtube, Sapphire has only 67 views. Can you not share on facebook and let it increase instead of just youtube?

author comment

Down Mama is my favourite

author comment

Was just released less than two weeks ago and feature lyrics by our very own Geezer from the site here. Down Mama is my wife’s song. I was leaving an emotionally manipulative relationship when we met and we used to see each other at concerts every weekend and it just grew and grew. So some of it is about this other woman and some of it is about a caring woman showing me I was worth more.

Thanks for listening!
Tim

It's inspired me to write a country, deep south, kind of poem

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