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Sister

Submitted by Killer Bee on Sat, 2022-09-10 01:05

to be everyone we see we wish to be
spoilt infidelity was the fragrance
of our tragic continuum century
of longing longing thee
favored face dressed in
tailored knit smiles on Tuesday’s sin
oh father are we seen
as the misery kin
ants rise on Lilies
in the teary meadow land
we shall remain oh rightfully damned
Blistering coils of copper tension make haste
tangy veins peel back their mantle
to self inject a poison of good-natured taste
shudder of the mind
with fine paper cut wrinkles
we make fingernail grind to season the sense
breaking spoons for chains and stakes
head loss of screws
We should shatter the bones within him
And break the ill-tempered man
As we once found
Ourselves
Broken

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week September 4th To September 10th 2022
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Killer Bee

Sat, 2022-09-10 01:07

Killer Bee's picture

Sometimes I just sit, and write through whatever emotion I feel. This one comes from thoughts of an absent father, and the strength from my sisters.

author comment

Geezer

Sat, 2022-09-10 02:08

Geezer's picture
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this seems chaotic and the thoughts scattered, but after reading your comments, [which I would have posted in Last thoughts]
I realized that this is exactly what they are, and it adds value to the whole thing. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Lavender

Sat, 2022-09-10 10:55

Lavender's picture
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Greetings, Killer Bee!
Your title is extremely important when reading, and completely appropriate. The entire poem builds up to your unique and shared feelings with your sibling(s), language is strong - misery of kin, ants rise on Lilies...I am curious about "Tuesday's sin." There was a rock song reference on google, but I may be searching for something that's not there. Would really like to know. Your final five lines are bold and furious, and by themselves, could stand alone as a brief poem.
Thank you!
Lavender

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