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She Walked Along The Lake

Submitted by Depressed 1 on Sun, 2022-08-28 05:48

She walked along the lake looking ghostly pale

He promised her Heaven but only gave her Hell

She loved him more than she probably should

Said she would leave him but she never could

Her love for him was too strong for her to break

So she stayed and took more than she could take

Cried so much until there was nothing left but dust

He took her heart and he turned it into a husk

Then a cold winter night came to help in her escape

She went to sleep but when she did finally awake

Her body left but her spirit stayed with a sealed fate

Destined forever to walk ghostly pale along the lake

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
She just could not take anymore.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Warrior Princess

Sun, 2022-08-28 08:10

Warrior Princess's picture

Hi Depressed, this poem is profound. My perspective is the person had given up on herself, on any hope of seeking any help from this world. Her only option of freedom was to commit suicide in the lake. It is raw and deep and shows the correlation between chronic depression and suicide. The rhythm of the poem was maintained. It also shows how love can ruin a person's soul, especially when the person does not understand how to love herself and value her worth.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

Depressed 1

Sun, 2022-08-28 11:58

Depressed 1's picture

Thanks for reading and the nice complements.

https://www.artofelpaso.com/

author comment

Warrior Princess

Sun, 2022-08-28 08:10

Warrior Princess's picture

Hi Depressed, this poem is profound. My perspective is the person had given up on herself, on any hope of seeking any help from this world. Her only option of freedom was to commit suicide in the lake. It is raw and deep and shows the correlation between chronic depression and suicide. The rhythm of the poem was maintained. It also shows how love can ruin a person's soul, especially when the person does not understand how to love herself and value her worth.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

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