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I Watched You Die

Submitted by Depressed 1 on Thu, 2022-08-25 02:57

I cried as I watched you die

I kept hoping it was a lie

You slowly slipped away

With not a single word to say

I hurt but did not show

I wanted no one to know

I hid all my tears inside

To no one did I confide

Like bitter drops of rain

They slowly turned into pain

A pain quickly consuming me

I am no longer who I use to be

I keep everything to myself

Since that night that you left

I still cannot but help wonder why

I was the one who had to watch you die

Review Request (Intensity):

Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)

Last few words:

My Mom died at home in her bed on July 7th 2012 I was at her bedside when it happened.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Thu, 2022-08-25 10:02

I have no...

critique for this one, just a few words that might help. I am sure that no one wants to die alone. It was you that was chosen
amongst all others, to watch over her until she passed. Sad, but such an honor! I only wish that I could have been there to watch over my own mother who died just recently. But my sister was! She said that it was peaceful and no struggle, "She slowly slipped away" Be glad that you were there for her, in her time of need. I'm sure that she was grateful. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Depressed 1

Fri, 2022-08-26 01:15

Thanks

Thanks Geezer. My Mom died of cancer and it was hard to watch a strong woman slowly deteriorate.

https://www.artofelpaso.com/

author comment

Triskelion

Thu, 2022-08-25 13:21

a modicum of sympathy for the dying

I understand how a person can feel sorry for themselves to watch another being die, and that death can be a scary thought for many people. I would like to see at least half of the poem showing sympathy for the one dying. It would greatly increase it's readability and would help the reader understand what happened to the dying person. Example might be a thought about the things she did for you, the way breakfast smelled on Sunday morning, the struggles she had raising you...

I liked the rhyming by the way.

Thomas

.
.

...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Depressed 1

Fri, 2022-08-26 01:17

Thanks

Thanks for reading and the suggestion Thomas.

https://www.artofelpaso.com/

author comment

RoseBlack

Sat, 2022-08-27 08:13

I wouldn't change a thing

A beautiful and honest write. I am sure your presence brought comfort and peace to your mother. She knew you loved and cared for her right until the end.

~RoseBlack~

Depressed 1

Sat, 2022-08-27 18:15

Thanks

Thanks RoseBlack

https://www.artofelpaso.com/

author comment

Neopoet

I Watched You Die