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Her.

I love her.

From the moment I laid eyes on her.

Love is a silly word.

It holds so much power,
To break or to build,
To flourish or to destroy.

I love her.
And I know she doesn’t love me.

It’s a pain unequivocally unique,
But an excitement like no other.

Love is unknown,
Something that has to be searched for,
Unless it finds you first.

The what if is what keeps me going,
The dream of her.

Love holds the power of life,
And death.

I’m in love with her,
And I don’t think I can stop.

I love her.
Even though my heart breaks.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I can’t find anything with the words I’d really change.

It’s a pain like no other,
But an excitement like no other.

Here is a decision; do you keep the no other repetitive or do you replace one with a stronger word? for instance…

It’s a pain exclusively unique
But an excitement like no other.

Like I said, it’s a decision. Repetition is also a useful tool in a writers tool box.

The subject is something I’m drawn to; something I have some experience with. That longing is very well defined by your poem. You’ve done a good job capturing those emotions on paper.

Other suggestions are punctuation related and or verb tense related. I’m not sure they need addressing.

The “what if?” is what keeps me going
The dream of her

I feel like that like the commas and periods may be unnecessary because they’re generally at the end of lines. I’m not big on rules though and I think in prose they would need to be there for reference. Maybe Geezer or Candlewitch can shed some more light on the dogma of written free verse.

Please take my suggestions lightly. Feel free to completely disregard my rambling.

I love the theme, your rhythm and logic are good and the title is apt.

Nice one,
Tim

Tim ,
Thank you so much for the suggestions! I did decide to change the repetition to, 'Unequivocally unique' thank you so much for the kind words! I really appreciate it!

author comment

I personally don't feel that the punctuation need be there at the end of the line. It is not after-all, prose. I too, like the story.
The feel of it is, as though one is speaking to themselves, [maybe with the hope of being overheard], or not particularly caring if they are. Nice job! ~ Geezer.
.

Thanks for sharing. I like the way you mingle the small pleasure into your obvious pain here. That is true to life. There is sweetness in goodbyes and non reciprocated love. I can certainly relate to some of this. I will read it again once it has settled. Nice to meet you.

gives one a feeling of unrequited love
Needs a look in
may be it's me only
I see life only
ROMANTICALLY
Sex irrespective.

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