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Native Skies...

Dark black with silver twinkles
deep-space musings of alone
giving rise in the darkness
to a low and trembling moan

Silver threads of meteors
stitched across the sky
make pictures, connect the dots
for animals in his eye

A Scorpion and the Wolf
Raven and the Bear
taking shape in his mind
from tales that shamans share

All alone in the wilderness
he will be a man
dwarfed by the sky and tales
that sprang up from the land

And the mother of all mankind
reached down and touched his heart
"Keep our people's story living
tales of how we had our start"

His heart was full of vision
the night grasped his one good eye
"You are the future of our people
do not let our story die"

Now he rattles and he drums
for the children that are left
telling tales of the past
singing songs for whiteman guests

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Another that started out very different..
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

What sets human apart from other animals except passed down stories? Aren’t the instructions for making stone ware or flint knapping just stories of how the objects were made? Dude, awesome!

Yes, that's what they are. As a man in my early twenties, I knew an elderly man, who lived in a one room cabin that he had built himself. He was half Native American and half German. I'm not sure of how old he was, but he told me that his grandfather had guided French and English trappers in Canada. He was a very self-sufficient person, who lived simply and
had a garden, hunted game for meat and went to shop twice a year for his needs and sundries. He had bees and chickens and utilized his land for many things. He never had electricity or indoor-plumbing. He showed me many things and passed down stories along with skills, like making sourdough bread and fishing lures. I spent quite a few hours learning lessons that were mainly stories about how these things came to be. ~ Geezer.
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author comment

What an amazing experience and a great anecdote. I love it.

you like my stories. I love the spoken history of people. Oral tales are the basis of poetry. Thanks for the read and comments. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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author comment

Now he rattles and he drums
for the children that are left
telling tales of the past
singing songs for white man'S guest

GEE D BEST

It is supposed to be white-man guests [like tourists!] ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

so be it OK
GEE

this piece is totally amazing. the title attracted me and the first verse hooked me. each verse better from the last, (I hope you know what I mean) your poem has got me tripping over my tongue! such beauty. it isn't a poem it is a sculpture! one of your best!

*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy(tight man, very tight ;)

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that you enjoyed this one. This is one of those that got away and did it's own thing. I was listening to something called Earth Music and my muse became entranced! She does that now and then! She took off, and I ran to keep up with her, having to go back several times to find where she had left the trail. All's good if people like it; it makes me happy. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

I really enjoyed the flow as well as the visuals. The images of the spirit animals in the stars jumped out at me. The evident cycle of sharing stories that shaped their entire culture. Very well done.

~RoseBlack~

as I've said above; oral tales are most likely the basis for poetry. Poetry being spoken in rhythm and rhyme to make things easier to remember. In pre-history many cultures didn't have written languages and if they did; it was mostly the elite and/or the shamans, priests and ruling-class; so the oral stories were of great importance. I am humbled by the reception of this one. My muse took the bit in her teeth and ran with it. I'm so glad that I followed her lead. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

even in your reply, you still write poetry!

*respects, Cat & eddy

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

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