Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
The door
Don't treat me like a door.
With each sound of steps, I open my soul for another world.
It is not difficult then to make that kind of miss idea.
You hear ?
The sound of footsteps.
Knocking.
You see ?
Your eyes when you peek through the eye viewer.
And I ?
You only consider me an object
Interested.
I will clean your room with a certain irony.
You'll dust me out of boredom
Kill, curse.
Oh please don't treat me like
A solid object.
I need a break from you.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Enjoy :)
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Patricia
Thu, 2022-05-19 16:47
The Door
I thought this poem was great.t reminds me of that poem The Raven.I think you have a chance to win so keep on writing.
Candlewitch
Fri, 2022-05-20 07:33
hello,
it is nice to meet you! I like your title and your language usage is good. I don't understand this line: (Your eyes when you peek through the eye viewer.) I don't think there is enough solid information in your poem. I like these lines:
Kill, curse.
Oh please don't treat me like
A solid object.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Ray Whitaker
Fri, 2022-05-20 12:29
An interesting read, this
I like the piece.
i would couple more lines that are now uncoupled., and move a couple of words around. my suggestion; please remember this is only a suggestion...
>>>.With each sound of steps, I open my soul for another world.
It is not difficult to make that kind of misstaken idea.
You hear ?
The sound of footsteps,
hard boots on a wooden floor.
You see ? (I see Your eyes when you peek through the eye viewer.)
And I? (You only consider me an object)
dis-Interested as it were
I will clean your room with a certain irony.
I'll dust you out of boredom
Kill, curse.
Oh please don't treat me like
A solid object.
Don't treat me like a door
I need a break from you.<<<
.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Jackweb
Fri, 2022-05-20 14:49
The title "The Door!
The poet used a metaphorical language to convey his idea. We all know metaphor dramatically introduce meaning by drawing analogies with things that condense and magnify meaning. So, it activates our imagination and controls our mental imagery.
Good one!
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Race_9togo
Fri, 2022-05-20 17:03
This is good.
title, language use, the cadence, the theme, beginning and ending, all work very well.
Only criticism I have this this:
"It is not difficult then to make that kind of miss idea."
I don't understand "miss idea". should it be "missed idea"?
Good stuff.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo