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Seasons of the past... ( Mind storm )

Opening like a flower
only to catch the rain
that falls like tears
from blood soaked eyes
releasing swells of pain

Sorrow fills the callouses
the cracking and crumbling grasp
as outstretched hands surrender innocence
from fingertips to the wrist

Reflecting an unbearable image
back through the window pane
in a valiant attempt to resist himself
he curses his own name

New hope briefly birthed
like a sprout and a bloom
only to give way to thirst
overwhelmed by impending doom

Whitewashed hands that bleed and crack
unearth their weathered palm
and droplets of regret evaporate
as if they've never come

Seasons of the Past Persist
revealing what has been
as mankind shakes his fist
never to cry again.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

to be a struggle between a desire to rhyme and go for the free verse. I like the story of baked earth and clay that tries to drink up the rain before it is sucked back into the clouds and whisked away. I'm not sure if the last stanza refers to the palms or yourself; in the unpleasant existence desert home. The second stanza should be four lines, just to even out the look, but it can be easily rectified by using: " into the wanting clay". I don't see where adding another whole line would enhance the poem. Nice work! ~ Geezer.
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But this was my mindset during this ; Imagine the thunder cloud reservoirs to be a mans eyes...

His tears fill his hands..

and though it brings a temporary hope when he pours out his despair..

Reality once again sets in...

Revealing his troubles and exposing his weathered aging hands (palm) once again.

He feels isolated, helpless and yet after a moment of emotional release, he conceids to the way things have always been... Hard.

Such is the pattern of life.

God bless

author comment

you have made it much clearer, with your explanation. Thank you. ~ Geezer.
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I found it very poetic.
When you need to explain a poem (especially to geezer) then it means that it does not have enough relativity.
I myself didn't understand it on the first read. I thought it was a damaged love poem actually, It seems more philosophical than imagery that is relative to most reading it. I had trouble finding the logic in it. But understand that I am the sort of reader that needs the logic up front and clear.
That's how I see it now.
Best of luck in the competition,
Mark
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Thanks Mark,

Yea, this has changed so much since posting Im not sure it has even remained relevant to the competition! Lol

With that said I truly think it better represents now, what I intended from the beginning.

God bless

author comment

It could be a bit more clear.
Punctuation will help with this poem.
Stay with it.
Mark
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