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Lonely Sun Comes
The sun was feeling lonely
in the laden skies
no love making with humans
clouds besides
sun warmed up
clouds blushed and melted
squeezed the water out
rained freely
humans thought 'twas like pee
but were happy
sun fired each individually
Covid went to sleep
now I'm warmed up
sun has been so free
ah so lovely with me
now who will come
let me know
The line is clear
first lonely
ones come along quickly
be free as madness over takes
who
you not me
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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UNIVERSE...ETERNITY C/O ME
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Comments
Triskelion
Sat, 2021-11-20 16:00
This started
out with a lovedly flavour, but it lost me with the word pee and Covid.
Hi lovedly!
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
lovedly
Sat, 2021-11-20 19:50
where did u c
tell me correct it
author commentTriskelion
Sat, 2021-11-20 23:11
Sure
..to start with, it had this timeless quality that could be relevant in any century. It had a romantic lovedly flavour I've come to understand and appreciate. The reference to pee is definitely unique, but has a comical essence which ruined my experience. The reference to Covid dated the poem and brought it into the contemporary field, which I have little love for. Since the most popular poetry during these days is rubbish, it turned me further away.
You have so many great ideas and perspective of wisdom. Please find new, timeless words to replace them.
I will try to help if I can
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
lovedly
Sun, 2021-11-21 13:22
Thomas
Shall review
LET IT RAIN
freely
author comment