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She's (bits of) an animal.
She is that canary bird who sings
the sweetest song that‘s to be heard,
She is in the ever maddening sound
of everything that’s earthly bound
She is the eagle see her soar
lion in the jungle - hear her roar,
all of these things she is and more
she's even the tigers -- front left paw,
She lives in so many differing things
azure blue on butterfly wings
even the monkey as he swings
she's the pleasure -she's the pain
that love brings,
when you look at her --
what do you see.
Obi.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Not wishing to enter the competition with this, I find it naive and cloyingly sweet, and quite frankly I'm not sure why I posted it.
Obi.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Mon, 2021-10-11 19:33
My guess is...
that every once in a while that you just have to post something to make yourself disgusted!
Either that or you [shudder] are just an old softie at heart? The competition is over anyway, so no worries about having people ask you to post it and you can bury it quickly; as you would some dead carcass, so that it doesn't stink up your reputation.
I would leave off the last two lines. Sickly sweet, but really good! ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Obadiah Grey
Fri, 2021-10-15 10:27
"The competition is over',,,
"The competition is over',,, missed it again, story o' my life! (thank god)
Owl Has My Soul
Fri, 2021-10-15 09:34
Haha -- this is closer to something I would write
but maybe better... As I was reading this I had to check again that it came from you, Obi. Anyways I really enjoyed this one.
Ohms
Obadiah Grey
Fri, 2021-10-15 10:31
I'm actually a pre pubescent
I'm actually a pre pubescent school boy whose uncle obi is doing reeaally reeaally manly things so I wrote this for him.
Little jimmy.
Obadiah Grey
Sat, 2022-02-05 12:14
………..///\\\Are you the air
………..///\\\Are you the air
……….///_\\\\the breeze
………||.^|=\\\ that answers
………))\_-_/ ((\ the questioning sun
………)’_/.”.\_'\)
……/./._.\…/…\ Are you the
….././(_.\x/._).|the flame
……\.\.)”.|.”(/./ begot of the spark
…….\.’…’.. //./
……/………/./ Are you the earth
……|….__.\.\ where mankind
……|…/.\…\/ rests redundant bones
……|..|…\.. \
……|..|…..\..\You are the
……|..|……\..\ water that
……|..|…….\..\ quench
……|..|……..\..\ lifes
……|..|………\..\ great
…../__\……….|__\unknowns.
scribbler
Sat, 2022-02-05 12:31
Well
I don't think it's that bad............