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When Memories Drown

The day you changed, Waterfall,
storms were far behind.
Dark clouds were no more,
nor was there a time perplexed.
To you that was a world new
and you started, finally in your own way.
Who built the bridge that your mist finally realized?
Rising above everything that had fallen
and vanished away from the falling water.

You were so dark, Shore,
unaware and crippled.
Crying for the touch of ripple
but rather not, you, catch the sparkles,
the always there light.
Blinding, you could not see above sad left-behinds.

Panorama said, "Let’s see.",
"Don’t look back at far away reflections!"
It was a good day to be with me, Waterfall,
we were so becoming …

near where the rapids so did chop
and you had stopped to fall
but I was there to grab you with so much feeling.
Remembering all the years,
how could I not hold you up, Friend?

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

this is excellent, but you should add the [d] to crippled, it does not take away the rhyming of ripple and crippled, the pronunciation is too pronounced. I know that you have listed this as Free-verse, but it does rhyme in places and there is an obvious connection between the two words. ~ Geez.
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I like it

would use more water analogies, in places

"reflections" has too many "R"s

I would change the last line a bit, to be more integrated with the last stanza

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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like the subtle revision.

Who is the waterfall in your piece? Wife? Best Bud?

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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