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words

As a projectile on its trajectory
the very kernel of a heart’s story
unfurls and beckons to those who care
allows for both sides, their minds declare
each line, each verse, each accentuated pause
all bring together, joint longing; their inimitable cause

Editing stage: 

Comments

take away from this is, the poet writing to connect with the reader and saying that not everyone will be interested in the same story, but that those who are should find some solace in the world that they DO connect. The rhyme was short and terse and the rhythm a bit ragged, but I got the message. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

So glad you got the 'raggedness' as if it could have been brought on by irregular breathing... that's what we were aiming at. :-)

__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'

author comment

in fact extraordinarily well crafted but I'm gonna have to stamp my foot petulantly and ask how dare you name a poem "Words"?

Really, that is beyond pretentious.
Call it almost anything else and I would love it.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

you are correct in that, the title was not a complete sell out from the inception... but it shall find its name in due time... :-)

__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'

author comment

I LIKE the title. It gives the reader the hint needed for understanding that it is the words hurled which are the heart of this poem.....I think lol.....stan

thank you, Stan. Now you know the reason I settled with that title. In classic poetry, we are taught not to give everything away, specially not in the title; then take the reader/listener on a 'journey' and let that unveil a trail of meaning and discovery. An incredible aspiration, no doubt; and probably the ramp to the 'high road' of poetry. Perhaps that still is part of the criteria for major works of poetry. But I would not know since I haven't been current in the contemporary scene for several seasons now. Have a pleasant day. :-)

__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'

author comment

Still don't like it though.

Have you read my novel called "Words"? Here is an excerpt-

Words word. wordsw o rd swords wordsw ord. sword swords word sw dsw ords wordsw ordsw ord swords. words. Word s wor dsw ordsw. 0 rds word; swo d sw ords word swords word. S wordsw ordswo rdswo rdswor; dsw. 0 rds words wor swor. dswo rdsw. Ords wo. Rdsw ords. Wordsw. or dswo. rdswor dsword.. swords wo sw. o. Rd swords word swo rds wordsw. Ordsw ordsw ordswo. rdswo. rdswor dswor. sw. or. Dswo rdsw ordsw ordswo rdswo rdsw; ordswo rd sw ords wor dsw ordsw or word swo rdsw. Ords. wo r dsword; swords words word. Swo r, ds w ord swo rds w dS; words word swords wor dswor; dsw"or dsw ordswo. Rdswor dsw ord sword sw or sw ordsw ords. wo; rds word swo r dsword sw ords. W ords words words. Wor dsw dsw. Ordswo rdsw ord. Swo rdswo;.rdswo rd swo rd. sword swo rdsw ordswo rds. rdsw ords wo rds wordsw ordswo rd. swo rds. w or dswo. rdsw ord swords. Word, ord swords, wor. dsword swor. dsword swo rdswor d sw. ords wordsw ordsw. ordsw rds wordsw or. Dswor. Dswo rdswor dsword swo rdsw ordswo. rdsw. or dswo rds. w rds word sw. Ordsw. Ordswo rds. wo rds words wor.. dswo rdsw. ordswo rdswor d s rd swo rd sw ords

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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