Workshops on Neopoet are groups that meet for a certain period of time to focus on a certain aspect of poetry. Each workshop participant is asked to critique all the other poems submitted into a workshop. A workshop leader helps coordinate -- they set the agenda, give participants feedback on whether their submissions and critique are at they level expected of them, and after the workshop is over, give feedback to participants.
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Comments
raj
Wed, 2014-08-27 02:28
Barbara
Nice to know that we now have the WS active. You had mentioned that this WS would be strictly focusing on Haiku, whereas I notice that in the "subject matter" above you have given both options, i.e. Senryu or Haiku. Is that right? So, who posts first? It would be nice if you kick it off.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-08-27 02:45
Raj
I just copy and paste. Thanks for pointing that out. I will fix it.
In discussion senyru is okay to post here. On the poem itself it'll be just haiku when put on the stream. I was gonna let Mand but I would happy to.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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raj
Wed, 2014-08-27 03:43
Barbara
I had guessed that you could have copy pasted the stuff so thought it right to point it out to you. I am eager to get started once someone (you or Mand) get it going.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-08-27 04:08
Raj
Yeah. I've revised and sent to Stan for approval. Soon as he does I'll have here. Thanks. For jarring my brain.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-08-27 04:09
Raj
It starts Sunday so ill a little time to get it right lol. So keep coming with those haiku till then
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mand
Wed, 2014-08-27 05:07
Hi Barbara!
Thought I'd post this up to see if I've at least got the gist! ( I think this is a tanka - not sure though )
A gang of starlings
a multi – coloured spectrum
glinting in the sun.
Winter migrates murmur sound
brushing a moving art form.
I'm looking forward to Sunday!
Love Mand xxxx
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-08-27 12:46
Mand
This is a great haiku of bird behavior in nature. I feel no sense of human overtones at all in this. The couplet works well. (murmur sound) can have a human tone to it based on how it used, but as raj said the birds are murmuring sound to themselves. They certainty aren't talking to us. lol.
Its all about how you want to convey it to the reader. The art form is captured nicely and not the sound of their murmuring which would make it senryu I think. Excellent Tanka. The couplet can be what you want it to be in this WS haiku or senryu tones. The focus is only on the haiku itself. Great you got it. Before long you'll be on to the Renga.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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mand
Wed, 2014-08-27 13:10
Thanks Barbara!
Let's hope I manage to keep it up! :)
Love Mand xxxx
raj
Wed, 2014-08-27 23:45
Hi Mand
You surely are a quick learner which can be evidenced from your attempted Tanka. So I am sure you would be definitely be able to keep it up once the WS is signalled as "Start" by Barbara..
Regards,.
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Thu, 2014-08-28 01:44
Hi Raj
Thanks for the compliment! I've done lots of haiku's before - but someone told me that although I got the syllable count right he thought I needed to work on the form! Soo I'm really excited to be part of this group - because I really do want to improve and learn.
Cant' wait for Sunday!
Thanks Raj xxxx
raj
Thu, 2014-08-28 02:06
Hehehe...can sense your
Hehehe...can sense your excitement....have a good run during the WS..
much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
Barbara Writes
Sat, 2014-08-30 13:39
Hey everybody,
Tomorrow is almost here. You can start posting you haiku—tanka to start the renga poem.
I'll start it off with the first tanka then Mand. After Mand it's not necessary for you Ian. Alid. Raj to wait on each other just post yours and share your critiques, comments and suggestions on each other poem. You can use the ones you've share in discussion on the blog if you want. Just repost it here. I'll keep them organized.
Birds of a Feather
Twerp twerp twerp, birds sing
high above treetops, build nest
eats insects below
Sitting at window watching
lost in my thoughts with nature
This is a haiku followed by a couplet. If I want it to be a senyru, I may write something like
I hear the birds twerp
watch them build nest in treetops
eat insects below
Watching out window from couch
I'm lost in thoughts with nature
Any comments or suggestions?
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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wesley snow
Sat, 2014-08-30 16:53
Hi Barbara.
I thought I'd stop by knowing I would be confused. I was right.
With the couplet at the end of the haiku what does that make the poem and other than word changes I can't see a difference between your two poems. What makes them different?
Sorry to intrude, but I'm curious and clueless.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
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Barbara Writes
Sat, 2014-08-30 17:58
Wes
I'm so glad you are here." With the couplet at the end of the haiku what does that make the poem" That makes the poem a Tanka. A Tanka is a Japanese poetry form just like haiku and senryu are Japanese poetry forms.
"other than word changes I can't see a difference between your two poems. What makes them different?"
Birds of a Feather
Twerp twerp twerp, birds sing
high above treetops, build nest
eats insects below
Sitting at window watching
lost in my thoughts with nature
In this poem its nature and the birds behaviors. You get to see a birds watchers moment. The bird watcher is not the focus. But the birds twerping, in treetops, build nest, and eat insect. a poetic picture I think.
I hear the birds twerp
watch them build nest in treetops
eat insects below
Watching out window from couch
I'm lost in thoughts with nature
in this piece it about me, the bird watcher. ex. I hear, I watch them, making it a senryu.
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alidzain
Sun, 2014-08-31 03:03
I'm here as promised
I'll assist you with the syllable count when I can, Barbara. By the way, here's my contribution.
Dancers in the sky,
moving with grace in the wind,
hunting to survive.
Freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.
here's the senryu based tanka version -
I see sky dancers
moving with elegant grace
and think of beauty
Freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.
Alid
Barbara Writes
Sat, 2014-08-30 18:00
alid
thanks I sure need the help. Just beautiful. a poetic painting in words.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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raj
Sun, 2014-08-31 02:12
Hi Alid
Liked your perception of birds in flight. You may want to have a go at the Senryu based version of your post too.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Sun, 2014-08-31 06:26
Hi Alid!
I can see a clear difference between the Haiku and Senryu - You use the word I ( from the human stand point ) in the senyru! They are both enchanting! Thank you for posting - it helps me to see the difference and it is enjoyable to read. :)
Love Mand xxxx
alidzain
Sun, 2014-08-31 11:10
Hi Mand!
irs good to know that I help you to understand.Now how about you give it a try?
Alid
mand
Sun, 2014-08-31 11:17
Hi Alid
Mine's here ( in the work shop ) at the bottom of the page! was I supposed to put it there?
Mand xxx
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2014-09-01 11:42
Mand
You did well Mand. I was waiting for your addition to start the renga. It a good. And the renga is off to the races.
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Ian.T
Mon, 2014-09-01 04:07
Birds again
A squawk wild flapping
Feathered fans beat the spring air
Time to breed they sing
Joining the v formation
Gathering to journey on
鳥再び
不平野生羽ばたき
フェザーファンは春の空気を打つ
時間は、彼らが歌う繁殖する
私はVの形成を見る
旅にで収集
Another go ,Yours Ian.T (NB:-The Japanese is just for fun)
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Barbara Writes
Sat, 2014-08-30 18:57
ian
Great one I like it.
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Ian.T
Sat, 2014-08-30 19:02
Barbara
It is midnight here now so will soon be off to bed,
You take care out there and have a lovely day,
Yours as always Ian x
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Barbara Writes
Sat, 2014-08-30 19:06
ian
Have a good night. it 7pm here and I'm watching the Clemson vs Georgia game while on here lol
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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raj
Sun, 2014-08-31 02:16
Hi Ian
Nice Haiku based Tanka capturing movement, season, bird activity and pattern. Just a thought, if you would like to somehow use "migration" in the second seven syllable line of the Tanka..
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Sun, 2014-08-31 06:40
Hi Ian
Great poem! Creatively done - I think it imaginatively says alot in few words and I like that you have put the actual Japanese translation down - Fabulous! - High five!!
Nice Job!
Love Mand xxxx
raj
Sun, 2014-08-31 01:28
Barbara-my two takes
Haiku based Tanka
Chirps getting louder
with one atop the other
both perched on a twig
flutter of colorful wings
in joyous mood of mating
Switching to Senryu based Tanka
Birds chirping away
swinging atop a poplar
a beholding sight
their joyous mood at mating
pumps up the adrenaline
Do let me know if the switchover illustrates the difference between Haiku & Senryu based Tanka,
Regards
raj (sublime_ocean)
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2014-08-31 02:04
Raj
Thanks for sharing the two versions. they are wonderful
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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raj
Sun, 2014-08-31 02:09
Barbara
Thanks for your appreciative comment. Since, as per my understanding, this Renga is also focused on distinguishing between Haiku & Senryu based Tanka, I thought of having a go at both versions. Please let me know if you expect participants to post both versions or only Haiku based version of Tanka in this WS.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2014-08-31 22:34
Raj
Sharing both haiku and senyru for a comparison will help us see the difference in the two.
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mand
Sun, 2014-08-31 06:45
Hi Raj
I can see the difference Raj - But I await Barbara's expert eye! All of the haiku's / senryu's I've read today are of a high calibre! I knew I'd enjoy this workshop! :)
Love Mand xxxx
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2014-08-31 22:39
Mand
Glad you can see the difference. Would you agree it's the line "a beholding sight" that's makes it a senyru.
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mand
Mon, 2014-09-01 09:32
Hi Barbara
Yes I see what you mean "a beholding sight" said from the standpoint of a human - hence senryu.
I think I get the gist - hopefully! :)
Mand xxxx
mand
Sun, 2014-08-31 06:55
Hi Barbara
Sorry about the delay - I'm house sitting / dog sitting and decorating a bedroom for my daughter while she is away - here goes!
A heron stands still
yellow eyes fixed on its prey
An eel unaware.
Bulrushes sway in the breeze
As the spectacle unfolds.
Awaiting your critique. :)
Love Mand xxx
alidzain
Sun, 2014-08-31 13:09
Hi Mand!
that's a good haiku-based tanka.How about trying a senryu based one?
Alid
mand
Sun, 2014-08-31 14:13
Hi Alid
O.k! Senyru based:
A heron hunting
My binoculars ready
Waiting and watching.
Bulrushes sway in the breeze
As the spectacle unfolds.
alidzain
Sun, 2014-08-31 14:41
well done, Mand
good job.
Alid
mand
Sun, 2014-08-31 15:05
Thanks Alid! I wont be on
Thanks Alid! I wont be on line until tomorrow afternoon - see you then! all being well.
Love Mand xxxx
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2014-08-31 22:45
Mand
Both are beautiful renditions of haiku and senyru. Thanks for posting.
Everybody I going to organize the renga poem with your haikus. I'll post it in the WS where you can view it. Once I've organized it I post it here on the thread then on the stream.
Continue to add you haiku and senyru comparisons on here with your suggestions and discussions of each other's work.
This is best best WS ever do far.
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Barbara Writes
Sun, 2014-08-31 23:22
Birds of a Feather
Renga 10 Birds of a Feather
Tanka/Haiku:
A heron stands still
yellow eyes fixed on its prey
an eel unaware
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.
Mand**
Chirps getting louder
with one atop the other
both perched on a twig
flutter of colorful wings
in joyous mood of mating.
Raj**
A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.
Ian.**
Dancers in the sky,
moving with grace in the wind,
hunting to survive
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.
Alidzain**
Twerp twerp twerp, birds sing
high above treetops, build nest
eats insects below
sitting at window watching
lost in my thoughts with nature.
Barbara**
Tanka/Senyru:
A heron hunting
my binoculars ready
waiting and watching
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.
Mand**
Birds chirping away
swinging atop a poplar
a beholding sight
their joyous mood at mating
pumps up the adrenaline.
Raj**
I see sky dancers
moving with elegant grace
and think of beauty
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.
Alidzain**
I hear the birds twerp
watch them build nest in treetops
eat insects below
watching out window from couch
I'm lost in thoughts with nature.
Barbara**
Here is how your haiku and senyru looks as a renga poem. What do you think? I'll post to the stream with the names at the bottom. Just keep posting your haiku and senyru here and I'll add them to the poem as you create this collaboratively written renga. I think what I'll do is post both the senyru and the haiku as separate renga poems.
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mand
Mon, 2014-09-01 09:35
Looks good to me Barbara -
Looks good to me Barbara - thanks for all your efforts!
Mand xxxx
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2014-09-01 11:44
Mand
Thanks. I will post to the stream probably tomorrow if no one else comments on it.
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raj
Tue, 2014-09-02 15:06
Two more vaersions
Haiku based Tanka
The Humming birds perch
each atop wing of a Goose
getting a free ride
together the flock migrates
in a harmonious flight
Senryu based version
The Humming birds pair
with flock of migrating Geese
perched atop their wings
A heart warming harmony
worthy of emulation
Note: I learned today that Humming birds perching atop the wings of Geese during migration is a fact
hope this works well
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Tue, 2014-09-02 01:32
Amazinng!
I didn't know hummingbirds migrated, it's amazing that they hitch a ride atop geese wings!
You've done your research here Raj - your tanka's are really, really interesting and well thought out!
Love Mand xxxx
raj
Tue, 2014-09-02 01:47
Hi Mand
Thank you for your appreciative comment. It so happened that over the past few days i have been spotting a humming bird floating in the air near the bird feeder just outside my son's house here in Canada. While talking about this, my daughter-in-law's aunty whom we visited over the long weekend, who is an avid bird watcher shared this fact about their hitching a ride atop the geese. This inspired this post.
Looking forward to your next post.
Much love...
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Tue, 2014-09-02 04:47
I am grateful to your
I am grateful to your daughter-in-law's aunty! she inspired some delightful imagery!
Love Mand xx
alidzain
Tue, 2014-09-02 01:59
Good one, Raj
thanks for sharing.
Alid
raj
Tue, 2014-09-02 02:12
My pleasure Alid. Looking
My pleasure Alid. Looking forward to your next post here.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
alidzain
Tue, 2014-09-02 12:47
Here's another one
Haiku
Some birds in the farm,
the proud rooster and the hens
seldom venture far.
They provide the eggs and meat
for humans to cook and eat
Senryu
I rear some birds here
in the old farm I call "Home"
to have eggs and meat
I sold them in the market
to feed my own family.
mand
Tue, 2014-09-02 04:34
Hi Alid
Love the down to earth feel of these! they made me smile - because they were a joy to read.
One critque:
I rear some birds here
in the old farm I "call" home......Typo I think - unless I've got it wrong. Lol
also - in the haiku - not sure if "farm" should have the s at the end!
other than that - high five. :)
a delight to read and visualize
Love Mand xxxxx
raj
Tue, 2014-09-02 15:01
Dear Alid
The words humans, cook and eat make the first tanka a Senryu based one rather than Haiku. Wanted to draw your attention to this.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
alidzain
Tue, 2014-09-02 15:37
Raj
but those words are in the couplets, not in the haiku itself. if that makes this one a senryu, than the tanka below should be in senryu also.At least that's what I think but Barbara put in the haiku section.
A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.
Tell you what, I'll ask Barbara.
Alid
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2014-09-02 17:36
It is accurate Alid
The couplet can be what you want it to be in the tanka. The haiku and senyru in the tanka is what's bring emphasized here.
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raj
Wed, 2014-09-03 00:01
Alid
Barbara has already clarified. Therefore, please ignore my comment because apparently they were in correct. I was not aware that in the 7 syllable couplets following a Haiku, the content may not be purely nature related
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-09-03 00:57
Raj
That's probably my fault. I'll check the syllabus to make sure that parties clear.
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mand
Wed, 2014-09-03 01:21
Next attempt
Haiku
Twittering swallows
Shadows riding on the moon
at the crack of dawn.
Busy feeding their hatchlings
long summer days on the wing.
Senryu
Twittering swallows
I watch them rebuild their nest
Five baby hatchlings.
Their brood is always hungry
I have no need for fly spray.
alidzain
Tue, 2014-09-02 12:53
Hi Mand!
Since the word surf has another meaning, I suggested a simple change for your haiku's second line..
Twittering swallows
Shadows riding on the moon
at the crack of dawn.
Your senryu is excellent, Mand. Keep up the good work!
Alid
mand
Tue, 2014-09-02 13:55
Thanks Alid
Will make the change!
Love Mand xxx
alidzain
Tue, 2014-09-02 14:14
Hi Mand!
I think there shouldn't be an "s" at the end of the word "moon".
Alid
mand
Tue, 2014-09-02 15:33
Ha ha
Thanks Alid ( darn that glass of wine ). Lol
xxx :)
raj
Tue, 2014-09-02 15:02
Dear Mand
Good ones ..
Much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Tue, 2014-09-02 15:34
Thanks RaJ
See any improvements? let me know
:) xxx
raj
Wed, 2014-09-03 00:56
Hi Mand
Wondering if it should be Nest [of ]hatchlings or Nest [for] hatchlings?
Much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-09-03 01:01
Raj
It's seems to me a (nest of) bc the nest can't chatter. It's mand's poem so I'll leave the interpretation to her.
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Barbara Writes
Tue, 2014-09-02 18:03
Mand
In the couplet. Did you mean gape or grape? Nicely written.
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mand
Wed, 2014-09-03 00:41
Hi Barbara
I've changed the line in the couplet - I hope it's better!
Mand xxx
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-09-03 01:23
Mand
I found it
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mand
Wed, 2014-09-03 01:23
Hi Barbara
I've completely changed the senryu about the swallows - I hope it's o.k!
Mand xxxx
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-09-03 01:47
Mand
It's okay I just didn't know. Do I've posted the entire senyru poem here. Is your changes right here?
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mand
Wed, 2014-09-03 02:24
Hi Barbara
If you think the change to the swallow senryu is o.k then go ahead and post it!
Thanks for all the work you are doing!
Love Mand x
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2014-09-02 10:22
Raj, Mand, Alid
Thanks for the bird behaviors. They are great. Especially you raj I watched a lot of national geographic.. And kinda remember a bird did that but didn't remember it was the hummingbird.
Thanks for this vision.
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alidzain
Tue, 2014-09-02 15:40
Hi Barbara
Some birds in the farm,
the proud rooster and the hens
seldom venture far.
They provide the eggs and meat
for humans to cook and eat
I put this as a haiku based tanka. Am I right or wrong?
Alid
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2014-09-02 17:39
Alid
You are right.
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wesley snow
Tue, 2014-09-02 12:49
Humming birds do what?!
I needed to know that. I will share it with everyone I meet today.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
alidzain
Tue, 2014-09-02 12:56
Hi Wes
Humming birds perched atop the wings of Geese during migration.
Alid
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2014-09-02 13:37
Everybody
Wow I'm loving this great WS idea. Learning something new is always good. Keep the bird behaviors coming.
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scribbler
Tue, 2014-09-02 16:38
Sorry
Unexpectedly out of town a few days. I'll try to catch up this evening.........stan
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2014-09-02 18:15
Stan
Glad to see you stopped in. Our lives does unexpectedly get busy. Should I add your name so you can get updates. Are you planning to add a haiku or senyru. We're doing both for comparison in writing. It lots of fun sharing bird behavior. I'd love to see yours.
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Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-09-03 02:09
New addition
Haiku:
Birds flock in tall grass
Weeds sprouting yellow blossoms
Blue birds, red birds eat
Grass in my backyard uncut
A deers family just appeared
Senyru:
Birds flock in tall grass
As I watched through my glass door
Blue birds, red birds eat
Grass in my backyard uncut
A deers family just appeared
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mand
Wed, 2014-09-03 02:31
Hi Barbara
Awesome! lovely imagery - this is a great workshop!
LOve Mand xxx
alidzain
Wed, 2014-09-03 13:27
Hi Barbara
2nd line of the couplet has 8 syllables count. I suggest you do away with the word "just" so that the couplet will be
Grass in my backyard uncut
A deer's family appeared
Alid
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-09-03 01:47
Check to see if I got you correctly.
Senyru/Tanka:
A heron hunting
my binoculars ready
waiting and watching
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.
Birds chirping away
swinging atop a poplar
a beholding sight
their joyous mood at mating
pumps up the adrenaline.
I see sky dancers
moving with elegant grace
and think of beauty
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.
I hear the birds twerp
watch them build nest in treetops
eat insects below
watching out window from couch
I'm lost in thoughts with nature.
The Humming birds pair
with flock of migrating geese
perched atop their wings
an eye pleasing harmony
worthy of emulation
I rear some birds here
in the old farm I call "Home"
to have eggs and meat
I sold them in the market
to feed my own family
Twittering swallows
I watch them rebuild their nest
Five baby hatchlings.
Their brood is always hungry
I have no need for fly spray.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
mand
Wed, 2014-09-03 02:32
Yep!
Looks good!
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-09-03 01:53
Check to see if your haiku/tanka is correct
Haiku/Tanka:
A heron stands still
yellow eyes fixed on its prey
an eel unaware
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.
Chirps getting louder
with one atop the other
both perched on a twig
flutter of colorful wings
in joyous mood of mating.
A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.
Dancers in the sky,
moving with grace in the wind,
hunting to survive
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.
Twerp twerp twerp, birds sing
high above treetops, build nest
eats insects below
sitting at window watching
lost in my thoughts with nature.
A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.
The Humming birds perch
each atop wing of a Goose
getting a free ride
together the flock migrates
in a harmonious flight
Some birds in the farm,
the proud rooster and the hens
seldom venture far
they provide the eggs and meat
for humans to cook and eat
Twittering swallows
Shadows riding on the moon
at the crack of dawn
Busy feeding their hatchlings
long summer days on the wing.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
raj
Wed, 2014-09-03 02:36
Two more from me
Stirring in their nest
pruning feathers on their quills
Robins venture skies
donned in colorful costumes
they flirt to seek out a mate
tweets and chirps echo
their glee and joy at mating
intimately
nestling close in cozy warmth
celebrating alliance
raj (sublime_ocean)
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-09-03 02:32
Raj
The first is okay. Not sure about second. It's rather long for a senyru or haiku.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
raj
Wed, 2014-09-03 02:38
Barbara
The two are in fact the haiku and senryu versions of tanka. At least that is what I had attempted. If you don't find them good, please ignore them.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-09-03 09:07
Raj
Okay. My error. My mind didn't separate the two and I got confused. They are good. Thanks for sharing.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
mand
Thu, 2014-09-04 03:22
Another pair!
(鵜呑み), = to swallow whole like a cormorant - Haiku Tanka
A cormorant dives,
pursuing tasty sweetfish
Bubbles in it’s wake.
Stretching out its long black wings
it rests in the summer sun.
Ukai - Fishing for sweetfish at night Senryu Tanka
My skilled cormorant
a ring tied around it’s neck,
sweetfish in it’s throat.
An old man waits patiently
while I fry up his supper.
mand
Wed, 2014-09-03 10:47
"My"? My skilled Cormorant
"My"? My skilled Cormorant
Barbara Writes
Thu, 2014-09-04 02:13
Mand
Sounds good to me. Really nice senyru and haiku. I can see this large bird eat up multiple fishes in a feeding
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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mand
Thu, 2014-09-04 03:26
Hi Guys
Thanks for your help! muchly needed and appreciated. :)
Love Mand xxx
raj
Thu, 2014-09-04 01:50
Nice one Mand. I didn't know
Nice one Mand. I didn't know about the Cormorant, therefore a value addition too.
Much love...
raj (sublime_ocean)
alidzain
Thu, 2014-09-04 02:00
Hi Mand!
for some reasons, your senryu still looks like a haiku to me. Can you tell me why you call it a haiku?
Haiku/Senryu refers to the first part of the tanka before the couplets..
Alid
alidzain
Thu, 2014-09-04 02:02
so sorry, mand
My bad. I didn't realize Barbara has already pointed it out to you.
Alid
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-09-03 09:36
Mand
A skilled cormorant
a ring tied around it’s neck,
sweetfish in it’s throat.
This has a haiku feel to it. One word could make it a senyru.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-09-03 09:37
Mand
A skilled cormorant
a ring tied around it’s neck,
sweetfish in it’s throat.
This has a haiku feel to it. One word could make it a senyru.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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scribbler
Wed, 2014-09-03 22:13
here's a try
Gliding on thermals
wide wings spread never beating
with eyes turned downward
search goes on for prey today
none with vultures wish to play..........Haiku +2
Attentive to death
I await each end of life
with hunger and greed
like a buzzard with bad breath
a mortician thrives on death..............Senryu+2
alidzain
Wed, 2014-09-03 22:35
Nice going there, Stan
That's a good try.
Alid
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-09-03 22:52
Stan
What a great try. Thanks for the bird behavior.
No 2 is certainly a senyru. The buzzards are just as you say. This makes me see you as the hungry buzzard. Lol. (Like a buzzard). (Mortician) I can't imagine a mortician described as a buzzard hungry for dead flesh.
It works as a senyru.. I see a cross between human and bird or human buzzard.
The more I read it the better I see your theme. Buzzard and morticians strive on death. The behaviors are the same. Lol. Great I love. Though it got me confused at first, I'm now cleared poetically. I think. Am I.
I can poetically smell that buzzard breathe of death. Lol.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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mand
Thu, 2014-09-04 01:34
Stan!
Nice to see you getting into the swing of things with your imaginative and creative poems!
Very Nice! :)
Love Mand xxx
raj
Thu, 2014-09-04 01:53
Stan
Imagery is almost an automatic part of your script. Nicely painted versions.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Barbara Writes
Thu, 2014-09-04 00:21
Check for errors
Haiku/Tanka:
A heron stands still
yellow eyes fixed on its prey
an eel unaware
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.
Chirps getting louder
with one atop the other
both perched on a twig
flutter of colorful wings
in joyous mood of mating.
A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.
Dancers in the sky,
moving with grace in the wind,
hunting to survive
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.
Twerp twerp twerp, birds sing
high above treetops, build nest
eats insects below
sitting at window watching
lost in my thoughts with nature.
A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.
The Humming birds perch
each atop wing of a Goose
getting a free ride
together the flock migrates
in a harmonious flight
Some birds in the farm,
the proud rooster and the hens
seldom venture far
they provide the eggs and meat
for humans to cook and eat
Twittering swallows
shadows riding on the moon
at the crack of dawn
busy feeding their hatchlings
long summer days on the wing
Birds flock in tall grass
weeds sprouting, yellow blossoms
blue birds, red birds eat
grass in my backyard uncut
a deers family appeared
Stirring in their nest
pruning feathers on their quills
robins venture skies
donned in colorful costumes
they flirt to seek out a mate
Tweets and chirps echo
their glee and joy at mating
intimately
nestling close in cozy warmth
celebrating alliance
Gliding on thermals
wide wings spread never beating
with eyes turned downward
search goes on for prey today
none with vultures wish to play
Coauthors:
Mand
Alidzain
Barbara
Ian.
Raj
Stan
***********************************
Senyru/Tanka:
A heron hunting
my binoculars ready
waiting and watching
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.
Birds chirping away
swinging atop a poplar
a beholding sight
their joyous mood at mating
pumps up the adrenaline.
I see sky dancers
moving with elegant grace
and think of beauty
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.
I hear the birds twerp
watch them build nest in treetops
eat insects below
watching out window from couch
I'm lost in thoughts with nature.
The Humming birds pair
with flock of migrating geese
perched atop their wings
an eye pleasing harmony
worthy of emulation
I rear some birds here
in the old farm I call "Home"
to have eggs and meat
I sold them in the market
to feed my own family
Twittering swallows
I watch them rebuild their nest
five baby hatchlings.
their brood is always hungry
I have no need for fly spray.
Birds flock in tall grass
as I watched through my glass door
blue birds, red birds eat
grass in my backyard uncut
a deers family appeared
Attentive to death
I await each end of life
with hunger and greed
like a buzzard with bad breath
a mortician thrives on death
Coauthors:
Mand
Barbara
Raj
Alidzain
Stan
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
alidzain
Wed, 2014-09-03 23:55
Hi Barbara
2nd line of the couplet has 8 syllables count. I think you need to do away with "just" to correct it.
Birds flock in tall grass
as I watched through my glass door
blue birds, red birds eat
grass in my backyard uncut
a deers family just appeared
Alid
Barbara Writes
Thu, 2014-09-04 00:19
Ok
I forgot to change. Reminder appreciated.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-09-03 23:13
Hi Ian.
I doing both senyru and haiku just for you. You inspired this duo WS renga poem. Do you have any bird behaviors you want us to see?
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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Ian.T
Thu, 2014-09-04 18:33
Barbara
I have lost the original Rook pieces so it will take a while to rewrite or find some more, I will have a look at the problem tomorrow, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Barbara Writes
Thu, 2014-09-04 23:38
Ian.
Rook pieces. Did you post them on my blog?
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Ian.T
Fri, 2014-09-05 03:48
Barbara
Yes I posted about four Tankas on your Blog but they didn't seem to conform to the workshop at the time, I thought I had copied them to my own records but they seem to have disappeared, it may have been the words I used such as murder that missed the point , but a murder is a gathering of crows so the words may have been confused with a humon action.
Never mind I will find a replacement later.
Have a great day, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
mand
Thu, 2014-09-04 03:41
Spoonbills -
Spoonbills - Haiku tanka ( joint effort Mand and Barbara )
Scarlet faced spoonbills
eager to eat, wings flapping
fish are a plenty.
Big fish in beak she takes flight
to the cliffs beneath blue skies.
Dry Season - Haiku tanka
White egrets descend
Snatching fish from the shallows
catfish join the feast.
Eagles launch from the tree tops
their talons poised and ready.
raj
Thu, 2014-09-04 01:56
This is a nice one too Mand.
This is a nice one too Mand. You are doing a great job for sure.
Much love...
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Thu, 2014-09-04 03:17
You too Raj - I like your attention to detail!
It's a great workshop - I'm loving it! :)
Love Mand xxx
Barbara Writes
Thu, 2014-09-04 02:28
Mand
Nicely done
I like to add the couplet.
Scarlet faced spoonbills
eager to eat, wings flapping
fish are a plenty
big fish in beak she takes flight
to the cliffs beneath blue skies
What do you think?
I really like all your bird behaviors. I learn more about birds in this WS than anywhere else.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
raj
Thu, 2014-09-04 02:29
Barbara
A good addition for sure. Creates a good imagery too.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Barbara Writes
Thu, 2014-09-04 02:42
Raj
Thanks, I thought it might
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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mand
Thu, 2014-09-04 03:43
Lovely Barbara!
I'm learning lots of new things about birds too. I didn't know that spoonbills nest in cliffs as well as trees!
I think your couplet makes a really nice joint effort!
( I was racking my brains - trying to think of a good couplet, nothing was happening. You hit the jackpot! :) )
Thanks Barbara :)
Love Mand xxxx
raj
Thu, 2014-09-04 02:58
Adding a Tanka
Brooding in silence
two Swans neck by a lake shore
forming a sweet heart
gentle ripples around them
iconic of mute romance
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Thu, 2014-09-04 03:11
Raj
Love this one - it would go well with a picture! The couplet just sets it off nicely. :) xx
Keep em comin!
Love Mand xxxx
raj
Thu, 2014-09-04 03:18
Mand
Looks like you are up early or I am up late..lol. Anyways, thanks for your comment. In fact this was inspired by a picture because I am yet to see such icon of pure romance in real time where as if "actions speak more than words" hence I chose the word "mute"..
Looking forward to more of your posts. I can sense you are enjoying this WS as I am too. How about adding a Senryu based version to my tanka? :)
Much love...
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Thu, 2014-09-04 03:37
Hi Raj
I'm up early - and you're up late. he he
Mute - good word choice - I know you always think carefully about using the right words - it pays off! :)
Writing a senryu based version of your tanka - Sounds good! I'll work on it today! ( thanks for suggesting )
( if I don't do it justice - bin it ). Lol
Have a good nights sleep! Sweet dreams.
Love Mand xxxx
mand
Thu, 2014-09-04 10:57
Hi Raj
I watch in silence
Two swans neck by the lake shore
forming a sweet heart.
While I stare, they brood softly
Iconic of mute romance.
Hope it's o.k - No worries if it's not! :) xxxx
raj
Thu, 2014-09-04 17:28
Hi Mand
No. It is not ok. It is in fact very good :) You may though want to change the word "softly" because in my opinion brooding itself being a silent posture there cannot be anything soft about it. May be I am wrong, just a suggestion to tickle your mind further...
Much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Fri, 2014-09-05 10:43
Hi Raj
O.k - thinking about it! Can't think of a word with the right syllable count to replace softly so -
How about:
I watch quietly
Two swans neck by the lake shore
forming a sweet heart.
They brood in rippled silence
iconic of mute romance.
raj
Mon, 2014-09-08 03:07
That's certainly a good
That's certainly a good switch Mand...impressive...
Much love...
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Thu, 2014-09-04 12:34
Three more - Haiku Tanka's
African Drama - Haiku tanka's
A noisy hornbill
alarmed, squawking in panic
A spotty leopard.
When the leopard gets closer
it spreads its wings and flies off.
-------- ----------
Almost Human
The male ground hornbill
busy repairing his nest
Mum feeds the young ones.
He catches the juicy frogs
but she dishes out the food.
----------- --------
Jacana
The lily trotter
walking across the pond leaves
her partner at home.
He worries over the chicks
protecting them from danger.
Barbara Writes
Thu, 2014-09-04 13:12
Thanks mand and raj
Theses are some wonderful haiku/tanka.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Barbara Writes
Thu, 2014-09-04 13:14
New renga
Haiku/Tanka:
A heron stands still
yellow eyes fixed on its prey
an eel unaware
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.
Chirps getting louder
with one atop the other
both perched on a twig
flutter of colorful wings
in joyous mood of mating.
A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.
Dancers in the sky,
moving with grace in the wind,
hunting to survive
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.
Twerp twerp twerp, birds sing
high above treetops, build nest
eats insects below
sitting at window watching
lost in my thoughts with nature.
A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.
The Humming birds perch
each atop wing of a Goose
getting a free ride
together the flock migrates
in a harmonious flight
Some birds in the farm,
the proud rooster and the hens
seldom venture far
they provide the eggs and meat
for humans to cook and eat
Twittering swallows
shadows riding on the moon
at the crack of dawn
busy feeding their hatchlings
long summer days on the wing
Birds flock in tall grass
weeds sprouting, yellow blossoms
blue birds, red birds eat
grass in my backyard uncut
a deers family appeared
Stirring in their nest
pruning feathers on their quills
robins venture skies
donned in colorful costumes
they flirt to seek out a mate
Tweets and chirps echo
their glee and joy at mating
intimately
nestling close in cozy warmth
celebrating alliance
Gliding on thermals
wide wings spread never beating
with eyes turned downward
search goes on for prey today
none with vultures wish to play
A cormorant dives,
pursuing tasty sweet-fish
bubbles in it’s wake
stretching out its long black wings
it rests in the summer sun
Scarlet faced spoonbills
eager to eat, wings flapping
fish are a plenty
big fish in beak she takes flight
to the cliffs beneath the skies
White egrets descend
snatching fish from the shallows
catfish join the feast
eagles launch from the tree tops
their talons poised and ready
Brooding in silence
two Swans neck by a lake shore
forming a sweet heart
gentle ripples around them
iconic of mute romance
A noisy hornbill
alarmed, squawking in panic
as spotty leopard
When the leopard gets closer
it spreads its wings and flies off
The male ground hornbill
busy repairing his nest
mum feeds the young ones
he catches the juicy frogs
but she dishes out the food
The lily trotter
walking across the pond leaves
her partner at home
he worries over the chicks
protecting them from danger
Coauthors:
Mand
Alidzain
Barbara
Ian.
Raj
Stan
***********************************
Senyru/Tanka:
A heron hunting
my binoculars ready
waiting and watching
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.
Birds chirping away
swinging atop a poplar
a beholding sight
their joyous mood at mating
pumps up the adrenaline.
I see sky dancers
moving with elegant grace
and think of beauty
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.
I hear the birds twerp
watch them build nest in treetops
eat insects below
watching out window from couch
I'm lost in thoughts with nature.
The Humming birds pair
with flock of migrating geese
perched atop their wings
an eye pleasing harmony
worthy of emulation
I rear some birds here
in the old farm I call "Home"
to have eggs and meat
I sold them in the market
to feed my own family
Twittering swallows
I watch them rebuild their nest
five baby hatchlings.
their brood is always hungry
I have no need for fly spray.
Birds flock in tall grass
as I watched through my glass door
blue birds, red birds eat
grass in my backyard uncut
a deers family appeared
Attentive to death
I await each end of life
with hunger and greed
like a buzzard with bad breath
a mortician thrives on death
My skilled cormorant
a ring tied around it’s neck,
sweet-fish in it’s throat
an old man waits patiently
while I fry up his supper
I watch in silence
two swans neck by the lake shore
forming a sweet heart
while I stare, they brood softly
Iconic of mute romance
Coauthors:
Mand
Barbara
Raj
Alidzain
Stan
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
alidzain
Thu, 2014-09-04 14:58
Great efforts, everyone
kudos to all!
Alid
mand
Fri, 2014-09-05 07:13
So true!
I agree! xxxx
Ian.T
Fri, 2014-09-05 18:33
Barbara (The Rook)
I have found the write remember a gathering of crows is called a Murder, lol:-
Rook
I dwell in trees high
Rookery commune for me
Daily off we fly
I go to our school each day
Suns time brings air to my wings.
On the land we learn
From parents who know the way
Let us fly today
In fields green where we are seen.
Scratching and pecking away
Crow
Murder she screamed
It was just too much for me
I counted only three
So I took off from her roof.
Death could wait for another day.
This last one is from the old ways where , if a crow was on your roof for a day or so, on the third day a death would happen..
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Barbara Writes
Fri, 2014-09-05 21:01
Ian
They are all wonder senyru. I will certainly add them
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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Barbara Writes
Fri, 2014-09-05 21:07
Ian.
I've experience this with the owl. Didn't know it about crows.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Barbara Writes
Fri, 2014-09-05 21:10
Renga with new additions.
Senyru: Renga 10 Birds of a Feather
Senyru/Tanka:
A heron hunting
my binoculars ready
waiting and watching
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.
Birds chirping away
swinging atop a poplar
a beholding sight
their joyous mood at mating
pumps up the adrenaline.
I see sky dancers
moving with elegant grace
and think of beauty
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.
I hear the birds twerp
watch them build nest in treetops
eat insects below
watching out window from couch
I'm lost in thoughts with nature.
The Humming birds pair
with flock of migrating geese
perched atop their wings
an eye pleasing harmony
worthy of emulation
I rear some birds here
in the old farm I call "Home"
to have eggs and meat
I sold them in the market
to feed my own family
Twittering swallows
I watch them rebuild their nest
five baby hatchlings.
their brood is always hungry
I have no need for fly spray.
Birds flock in tall grass
as I watched through my glass door
blue birds, red birds eat
grass in my backyard uncut
a deers family appeared
Attentive to death
I await each end of life
with hunger and greed
like a buzzard with bad breath
a mortician thrives on death
My skilled cormorant
a ring tied around it’s neck,
sweet-fish in it’s throat
an old man waits patiently
while I fry up his supper
I watch quietly
two swans neck by the lake shore
forming a sweet heart
they brood in rippled silence
iconic of mute romance
I dwell in trees high
rookery commune for me
daily off we fly
I go to our school each day
suns time brings air to my wings
On the land we learn
from parents who know the way
let us fly today
in fields green where we are seen
scratching and pecking away
Murder she screamed
it was just too much for me
I counted only three
so I took off from her roof
death could wait for another day
Coauthors:
Mand
Barbara
Raj
Alidzain
Stan
Ian.
Haiku: Renga 10 Birds of a Feather
Haiku/Tanka:
A heron stands still
yellow eyes fixed on its prey
an eel unaware
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.
Chirps getting louder
with one atop the other
both perched on a twig
flutter of colorful wings
in joyous mood of mating.
A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.
Dancers in the sky,
moving with grace in the wind,
hunting to survive
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.
Twerp twerp twerp, birds sing
high above treetops, build nest
eats insects below
sitting at window watching
lost in my thoughts with nature.
A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.
The Humming birds perch
each atop wing of a Goose
getting a free ride
together the flock migrates
in a harmonious flight
Some birds in the farm,
the proud rooster and the hens
seldom venture far
they provide the eggs and meat
for humans to cook and eat
Twittering swallows
shadows riding on the moon
at the crack of dawn
busy feeding their hatchlings
long summer days on the wing
Birds flock in tall grass
weeds sprouting, yellow blossoms
blue birds, red birds eat
grass in my backyard uncut
a deers family appeared
Stirring in their nest
pruning feathers on their quills
robins venture skies
donned in colorful costumes
they flirt to seek out a mate
Tweets and chirps echo
their glee and joy at mating
intimately
nestling close in cozy warmth
celebrating alliance
Gliding on thermals
wide wings spread never beating
with eyes turned downward
search goes on for prey today
none with vultures wish to play
A cormorant dives,
pursuing tasty sweet-fish
bubbles in it’s wake
stretching out its long black wings
it rests in the summer sun
Scarlet faced spoonbills
eager to eat, wings flapping
fish are a plenty
big fish in beak she takes flight
to the cliffs beneath the skies
White egrets descend
snatching fish from the shallows
catfish join the feast
eagles launch from the tree tops
their talons poised and ready
Brooding in silence
two Swans neck by a lake shore
forming a sweet heart
gentle ripples around them
iconic of mute romance
A noisy hornbill
alarmed, squawking in panic
as spotty leopard
When the leopard gets closer
it spreads its wings and flies off
The male ground hornbill
busy repairing his nest
mum feeds the young ones
he catches the juicy frogs
but she dishes out the food
The lily trotter
walking across the pond leaves
her partner at home
he worries over the chicks
protecting them from danger
Coauthors:
Mand
Alidzain
Barbara
Ian.
Raj
Stan
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Barbara Writes
Fri, 2014-09-05 21:21
Beautiful WS
I've posting an updated version of the renga birds of a feather here and to the stream. If there's any errors let me know. The WS will close Sunday for new participants and additions. After that, I'll be preparing the collaborated renga poem for final draft and submission for the stream.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
alidzain
Sat, 2014-09-06 04:09
Hi Barbara
Somehow the 3rd line of this haiku doesn't match. Should "as" be "at" instead?
A noisy hornbill
alarmed, squawking in panic
as spotty leopard
Alid
Barbara Writes
Sat, 2014-09-06 03:39
Alid
It was so subtle I missed it. I've changed it on my hard copy.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2014-09-08 11:55
Everybody
We are at the end of another fine renga. Thanks for the the verses. I'll be submit to stresm for final submission.
Senyru/Tanka:
A heron hunting
my binoculars ready
waiting and watching
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.
Birds chirping away
swinging atop a poplar
a beholding sight
their joyous mood at mating
pumps up the adrenaline.
I see sky dancers
moving with elegant grace
and think of beauty
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.
I hear the birds twerp
watch them build nest in treetops
eat insects below
watching out window from couch
I'm lost in thoughts with nature.
The Humming birds pair
with flock of migrating geese
perched atop their wings
an eye pleasing harmony
worthy of emulation
I rear some birds here
in the old farm I call "Home"
to have eggs and meat
I sold them in the market
to feed my own family
Twittering swallows
I watch them rebuild their nest
five baby hatchlings.
their brood is always hungry
I have no need for fly spray.
Birds flock in tall grass
as I watched through my glass door
blue birds, red birds eat
grass in my backyard uncut
a deers family appeared
Attentive to death
I await each end of life
with hunger and greed
like a buzzard with bad breath
a mortician thrives on death
My skilled cormorant
a ring tied around it’s neck,
sweet-fish in it’s throat
an old man waits patiently
while I fry up his supper
I watch quietly
Two swans neck by the lake shore
forming a sweet heart
They brood in rippled silence
iconic of mute romance
I dwell in trees high
rookery commune for me
daily off we fly
I go to our school each day
suns time brings air to my wings
On the land we learn
from parents who know the way
let us fly today
in fields green where we are seen
scratching and pecking away
Murder she screamed
it was just too much for me
I counted only three
so I took off from her roof
death could wait for another day
Coauthors:
Mand
Barbara
Raj
Alidzain
Stan
Ian.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2014-09-08 12:00
Everybody
This is the haiku for final submission.
Haiku/Tanka:
A heron stands still
yellow eyes fixed on its prey
an eel unaware
bulrushes sway in the breeze
as the spectacle unfolds.
Chirps getting louder
with one atop the other
both perched on a twig
flutter of colorful wings
in joyous mood of mating.
A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.
Dancers in the sky,
moving with grace in the wind,
hunting to survive
freedom is the will to fly,
ascending to the heavens.
Twerp twerp twerp, birds sing
high above treetops, build nest
eats insects below
sitting at window watching
lost in my thoughts with nature.
A squawk wild flapping
feathered fans beat the spring air
time to breed they sing
I watch the v formation
gathering to journey on.
The Humming birds perch
each atop wing of a Goose
getting a free ride
together the flock migrates
in a harmonious flight
Some birds in the farm,
the proud rooster and the hens
seldom venture far
they provide the eggs and meat
for humans to cook and eat
Twittering swallows
shadows riding on the moon
at the crack of dawn
busy feeding their hatchlings
long summer days on the wing
Birds flock in tall grass
weeds sprouting, yellow blossoms
blue birds, red birds eat
grass in my backyard uncut
a deers family appeared
Stirring in their nest
pruning feathers on their quills
robins venture skies
donned in colorful costumes
they flirt to seek out a mate
Tweets and chirps echo
their glee and joy at mating
intimately
nestling close in cozy warmth
celebrating alliance
Gliding on thermals
wide wings spread never beating
with eyes turned downward
search goes on for prey today
none with vultures wish to play
A cormorant dives,
pursuing tasty sweet-fish
bubbles in it’s wake
stretching out its long black wings
it rests in the summer sun
Scarlet faced spoonbills
eager to eat, wings flapping
fish are a plenty
big fish in beak she takes flight
to the cliffs beneath the skies
White egrets descend
snatching fish from the shallows
catfish join the feast
eagles launch from the tree tops
their talons poised and ready
Brooding in silence
two Swans neck by a lake shore
forming a sweet heart
gentle ripples around them
iconic of mute romance
A noisy hornbill
alarmed, squawking in panic
at spotty leopard
when the leopard gets closer
it spreads its wings and flies off
The male ground hornbill
busy repairing his nest
mum feeds the young ones
he catches the juicy frogs
but she dishes out the food
The lily trotter
walking across the pond leaves
her partner at home
he worries over the chicks
protecting them from danger
Coauthors:
Mand
Alidzain
Barbara
Ian.
Raj
Stan
Share you reviews about this workshop. How it has helped you. And heat you like yo see on figure workshop. .
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2014-09-14 15:01
Everybody
I want to thank all for another fine renga.
This Renga 10_birds of feather_bird behavior has come to an end
anyone with idea for a new Renga hit me up in the inbox/
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
raj
Mon, 2014-09-15 01:19
Barbara
It has been my pleasure to be part of this and few other Renga Work Shops organized so nicely by you. Will look forward to the next..
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2014-09-15 01:51
Thanks
Renga be be on break I have something new coming up. After renga and storytelling.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
raj
Mon, 2014-09-15 02:00
Barbara
OK. My interest is now even more stimulated and will look forward to your announcement whenever you are ready.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2014-09-15 03:32
Raj
Okay. Me and Wes working on some thing new after the dramatic verse. So if you have ideas for renga leave in my inbox and I'll save them for composing a new renga workshop
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Ian.T
Mon, 2014-09-15 04:00
Barbara
Good morning young lady, you have a lovely day and many thanks for your Renga and all the work you put in to this fun write where we learn of many things..
The Renga's give many a variety of things and this one about Birds, will enhance the knowledge of many from myth to reality.
There are many winds in this world from the Zephyr to the Chinook these would make a write from each countries poets plus a good subject for learning, how about getting the wind up lol,
Yours as always Ian.T
NB:-
Pooh Bear said "Eeyore"
Is the wind in the willows
Just a child's story??
Have a great day LOL
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2014-09-15 13:32
Ian.
Sounds like a complex idea. Most exciting. Give me more in inbox.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Ian.T
Mon, 2014-09-15 18:32
Barbara
From this Sceptred Isle I bring you greetings, and the odd writing to show you a fun thing, and another on our
South Westerly wind.
Have a fun day out there,
Yours Ian x
Pooh Bear said to Eeyore.
Is the wind in the willows
Just a child's story?
My bear tis for all to read.
Young and old will enjoy it
The so 'westerly
It brings rain to my land.
From across the sea.
Atlantic clouds scud inland.
Release their droplets of joy
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2014-09-15 19:32
Ian.
Nice I'm not sure what your theme is.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Ian.T
Tue, 2014-09-16 03:52
Barbara
The theme would be the different winds in the world and what they bring, there are at least 78 different winds in the world plus a few not noted they would make a good variety of happenings, and all from nature apart from the odd fun one I have already mentioned,
Take care have a lovely day, yours, Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2014-09-16 11:19
Ian
Sounds good. I wonder of other are familiar with theses winds. I am not. They're new to me. I'll put this on my list of Renga WS theme ideas with the others. There is one before you.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community