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RAMPAGE

Submitted by Zii on Tue, 2024-06-18 06:06

Rekindle thy flame
Send thy fire on a rampage
Haven’t you heard what they say?
“A strike a day keeps the devil at bay”.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
06/24 Living With Depression
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2024-06-18 12:10

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "RAMPAGE" effectively captures a sense of urgency and power through its imagery of flames and striking against evil. The use of archaic language like "thy" and "Haven't you heard what they say?" adds a timeless quality to the poem. However, the poem could benefit from further development of its themes and ideas. Consider expanding on the consequences or implications of sending fire on a rampage, or delving deeper into the significance of keeping the devil at bay. Additionally, exploring different poetic devices such as metaphor, simile, or symbolism could enhance the richness of the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Tue, 2024-06-18 14:34

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Hello, Zii,
Welcome to Neopoet! I am taken with your first poem, especially as an entry to the Living With Depression contest. I tend to have anxiety when a major change happens in my life. Your poem speaks to me as a way to conquer anxiety and fear - to be bold and arm yourself, to strike. I like the brevity and archaic language. Strong title. It gives power to so few words.
I will return after your response to learn more.
Again, welcome to Neopoet!
Lavender

Zii

Wed, 2024-06-19 01:09

Zii's picture

Hi Lavender, thanks for your kind words. I’m glad to hear you could connect with my poetry in such a way as you have. Sending you my love and strength, I hope you conquer your fears and anxiety. Never forget Lavender, strike.

yours, zii.

author comment

Zii

Tue, 2024-07-02 18:42

Zii's picture

Thanks Mark. Thank you for letting me know how you feel about my poem. It’s nice to be critiqued from another perspective such as yours and I didn’t mean to make it confusing, I was only trying to make it as simple as it can be but next time, I’ll be more meticulous. Thanks again Mark

yours, zii.

author comment
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